Letting Love In

Chapter 8, Part 3

THE DAY WAS spent in silence. I didn't speak to Rian after, and I didn't see the others. I don't even know how she feels about it all. She kissed me. That's a good sign, right? It was a chaste kiss to the lips but it felt okay. That was probably her way of saying 'I don't really care about you anymore, but I'll try to keep your secret.'

God, I should know better. Rian would never do something like that. She's not vindictive. She's nice. I don't have to ask her to keep it, she would, because that's just how she is. She doesn't involve herself in other people's business, by spreading it. I swallowed dryly and kept my eyes forward.

I was going home, and passing his house. I don't want to look across, fearing that he might be standing there and our eyes would meet, and I'd somehow manage to trip and fall. Besides, I don't even know how to act around him. If he sees me and we stare at each other should I wave? Or should I say Hi? Does he even want to speak to me? I thought he liked me. Why hasn't he tried to talk to me, or shove himself into my life, like he always did since he got back here?

I kept my gaze forward. I'm almost home. I can not look across there for just a few more seconds. Almost there. I can do this. My pace got quicker and before I knew it I was running toward my front door. Its pathetic I know.

I opened my door quickly then slammed it shut. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the wood of the door. I swallowed. When I opened my eyes again, I found Esther staring back at me. My eyes widened and I felt like jumping back into the door. I clutched my chest, but she just had a confused look on her face, she also looked slightly humored. I flushed and looked away.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her and shook my head. Today I am alone. I planned to secretly look out my window for Jonny and hoped that he doesn't see me, but now I suppose the plans have changed. Esther flashed me a smile and I was confused, as usual.

"I came to apologize. For calling you a snake." She said, which shocked me to my core. "I should apologize. I shouldn't have told Squirrel. Although he practically asked me and I couldn't lie to him. Besides he should know that he was chasing you in vain and god, I'm sorry again."

"No no no, its okay. Being a lesbian is nothing I'm ashamed of, I just wasn't ready to tell him, but you telling him made things a whole lot easier. And were closer than ever now. We check out girls together. You did me a favor. And I shouldn't have snapped at you for it. I'm sorry."

"Well apology accepted then." I smiled at her. She stepped closer to me and engulfed me in a hug. I hugged her back tighter. I missed her a lot. More than I expected to. She's one of my best friends and not being without her weird quirkiness really had a toll on me. I don't care if she's a lesbian now or whatever, because I'm bisexual and its all okay. Everything is okay.

"God, I missed you guys." I pulled her tighter to my body. Esther laughed and shoved me off. "You were killing me. Hey Squirrel! He's cool!" She shouted and Squirrel rushed out from my living room and hugged me as well. Esther joined in, again.

"Dude, what the hell! Why were you ignoring us?" Squirrel asked me and Esther seemed to wait for an answer as well. I stared at them both and decided not to deny it. Maybe I was ignoring them. I can specifically remember myself hiding in classrooms when I spotted them in the halls or eating elsewhere because I knew they would be at the table. I don't remember doing it on purpose, but what's the point denying it now?

"I was trying to uh understand myself a bit more..." I finally answered. Squirrel nodded his head and Esther smiled knowingly. I bit my bottom lip and looked down. Before they even say anything I should speak. I would like to end this moment of all the attention being on me. "So how have-"

"You should go talk to him." Esther said.

"Talk to who?" Squirrel asked me and her. Esther looked at Squirrel then to me as if asking for permission. I sighed softly. Squirrel should know. Everyone knows now besides him, he deserves to know. He's one of my friends as well. Esther continued to stare and I simply rolled my eyes.

"I'm bisexual. And I think I like Jonny."

Squirrel's eyes widened and he stepped back. God, and there is the disgrace; there's the disappointment. He hates me. Its different to come out to the same sex than the opposite. Esther was right. Completely right and now I feel sort of horrible, but she said its okay, so that should make me feel better.

"All of my friends are gay." Squirrel finally said.

"Not gay -- bisexual." I pressed. Squirrel chucked softly and shook his head. "This is crazy. I get all the girls."

"Uh no you don't." Esther raised her hand. "Can you just give me a miniscule moment of joy?" Squirrel questioned. I furrowed my brows but I smiled anyway. Squirrel's hands went to my shoulders and he grinned at me. "Honestly, bro, I'm happy for you. I'm glad that your gay now-"

"-bisexual" "-and that your happy and that you're into Jonny. I'm cool with all of that." Squirrel hugged me and I awkwardly hugged him back. Squirrel pulled away and smiled at me. Esther pat his back as she stepped toward us. He looked back at her and smiled. "Well my newly bisexual friend, we've got to go." Esther said.

"We have a new hobby that we can do together." Squirrel said to me with the widest grin on his face. I chuckled softly, I can only imagine what their newfound hobby is. "See you later, man." Esther pat my back twice then took hold of Squirrel's wrist and began to walk out of my house. I turned on my heals to watch them walk off. The door closed behind them and I was alone again. Except this time, I didn't feel like it. Squirrel is the most accepting person I've ever known. Rian isn't as accepting as Squirrel -- she's not what I expected. But then again I did kiss another guy while in a relationship with her, so its sort of expected for her to act the way she did. I don't blame her, really. I just wish she would forgive me faster, which is extremely selfish of me, but I can't help it.