Letting Love In

Chapter 9, Part 1

I KNOW WHAT I have to do. I should talk to him. I don't know what he's thinking or feeling right now. Jonny Cooper stayed away from school today although I wanted to see him. Everyone knows now; everyone is cool with it. Well besides Rian. I don't really know how she feels about all of this, because she's extremely quiet. Its my fault, I know.

Now, we're sat around the table and everyone's here -- even Jonny Cooper. He hasn't looked at me since we got here though. Harry went on and on about something that I didn't even care to listen to because I was too busy staring across the table at Jonny. He was paying attention though.

Everyone in the room seemed to have gotten over the entire thing that happened between us. I'm completely lost in this program because I missed a few classes, but its not like school where I'm missing something I never knew. What Harry tells us are all things we know already, like respect and abstinence (which I think fell on deaf ears) and drugs and alcohol and happiness. We all knew those things, its just a refreshment.

Today he talked about God, which I personally think is a touchy topic. A lot of people believe in him and a vast majority has arguments saying otherwise. The topic of religion is not to be discussed. Whatever you believe in is your decision and no one can really tell you otherwise. So I zoned out of the class until he was over. Until the final minute passed and we were allowed to leave.

Lee rose her hand and Harry walked toward her, while everyone else left. Squirrel and Jonny bro-hugged, then Esther whisked him away. Jonny walked behind them slowly and I decided that was a better time than ever to talk to him. Esther looked back and found me walking behind them like a little creep that I am, and she nodded her head in my direction. Squirrel waved at me then once again was pulled away by Esther. They really are closer now.

Jonny stopped walking until I was in front of him. I flashed him a smile but his face remained stoic. I blinked back at Lee and Harry who were not-so-subtly looking on, and Jonny did the same. "Walk with me." His hand touched my elbow as a way of ushering me out. As a reflex, I shrugged my hand away, but then felt like an idiot almost immediately after. If I could do that over I would have.

Jonny Cooper and I walked slowly out of the Community Center and I tried to not make the moment awkward, but it already was. I don't know of I should apologize or not. What would I be apologizing for? For pushing him away when I wasn't really sure about any of this? That's not wrong, is it? I was new to all of this and he was jutting himself into my life like a wrong puzzle piece. I had a right to want to shove him off.

"Why'd you come back?" I asked him. The sky was twilight and for a good while I stared at it, but then I looked across at Jonny and my eyes remained there. I only looked away when he looked toward me and began to talk. "New York was great."

"So why leave? Why come back to this boring old town?" I asked.

"I missed my old friends." He said simply.

"You missed me?"

Jonny laughed softly then ran his fingers through his hair. I smiled at him. "Yeah, I missed you." I felt content by that reply and I nodded my head. "I missed the small town vybe and the childhood crap we did, and I just... I wanted to come back."

"Strange. Sometimes I just want to leave all of that." I muttered. "The neighbors are too pushy and nosey, and the kids are annoying, and the school is so small, and its nothing like what the normal American life should be."

"Again with that word.." Jonny Cooper smiled. I bit my bottom lip and nodded. He wouldn't want me to apologize for it, so I don't. I simply nodded my head.

"Okay, whatever, Cooper." I rolled my eyes. "So where are your parents?" I asked him.

"Well after we left here, my dad left and my mom turned to crack and alcohol."

"That's a lie. You're lying."

"I'm not. That's just what happened. That's also part of the reason why I came back. My mom was found with crack and so they took me away. My aunt and uncle are now my legal guardians. I get to visit her though, with their permission, obviously."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" I slapped his arm.

"I did. I told Esther and Rian and Squirrel."

"And why not me?" I demanded.

"Because you're a homophobic asshole." He said matter of factly. I scoffed but looked away. I'm not like that anymore, obviously. If I see a gay guy on the street, yes, I'll question it, but not out loud. Is that still homophobic? God, I think it is. How can I be interested in a guy and be homophobic?

"Well I'm sorry." I said. We walked past his place, then we walked past mine. I smiled. We aren't going home. It isn't over.

"Sorry for what? Something that's totally out of your control?" Jonny asked me and looked to me. "Yeah, well I still gotta say it. And I do mean it."

"Okay, well thank you then." He said. We walked until we were at the open field. The lights which sat on the giant poles were on, illuminating the playground. I instinctively went to the swing set. Since as kids we fought for the swing set. Rian and Esther would usually get it because we boys were supposed to be gentlemen. But being the violent, mischievous boys we were, we'd always somehow push them too hard and they'd fall off and so we'd get it. It was mean and society would think we would have grown up to be hateful against women and abusers, but we aren't, and society was wrong about us. Squirrel is the most loving and respectful guy there is -- he didn't really have a choice, his parents would never allow him to grow up being that way -- and Jonny is also very kind and treats women as queens, and I'm pretty much the same. I'd never hit a woman or disrespect her (minus what I did to Rian, I was just figuring myself out).

Now there was only the two of us, with two swings, but Jonny decided to stand.