I'm trying to help

A day out with friends

I've been having way to many break downs lately. I'm scared to go out the house.

Most of my friends know I selfharm so they have been trying to make me go out with them more. So i have started to go out a little, but i'm still really scared. I went out the other week, we all went to a really big park and it was packed, there was little children of all ages running around and older people.

I went with about 15 friends, some of them i don't really speak to but i'm still friends with them if you know what i mean. We all walked and talked, we went from the bottom park to the one at the very top. We were all laughing our heads off to the point we nearly fell over from laughing. But once we got to the top park and they all went on the climbing frame thing i stayed seated on the grass and watched them.

Then for no reason i broke down again, i started to cry so i walked off so nobody would see me, but they all seen. They all followed me and tried to make me happy and laugh. i cried for about half an hour until they got me to laugh. i'm lucky i have funny friends. After that i was fine, i was laughing with everyone.

 Unfortunately for me it was boiling hot and i had to wear a jacket to hide my scars. I knew they all knew about them but i still felt really awakard taking my jacket off. Everyone had short sleeves, everyone in the park had short sleeves. i kept my jacket on for a bit longer until i was way too hot. So i rolled my sleeves up a bit.

Strangers kept looking at my arms, i could hear them talking about me. i felt so self conscious, so my friends decided to go somewhere where the was hardly anyone. I could still feel people staring so i rolled my sleeves back down.

I actually had an amazing day apart from the break down and feeling awkward. I'm lucky I have friends that have stayed by me. I know some of them feel awkward around me and try not to look at my scars but they are getting better at not staring at them.

They all still look at them from time to time but I expected that. They don't stare they just have a quick look,  probably to see if they can see any new scars.

Just remember if you ever take your jacket off or roll up your sleeves and your scars are visible people will look, some will stare and some will ask questions. Only take you jacket off or roll your sleeves up if it's necessary,  don't take off you jacket if it's freezing. They will call you an attention seeker.

Stay Strong Beautiful People ♡ ♥ I love you all :)