I'm trying to help

depression hitting hard

Depression is a bitch!

Depression makes you feel so alone. All the time you think about ending it, well i do at least. You feel as though you are not worthy of happiness or to get help.

You feel as though you are a burden on people so you keep to yourself which eventually makes everything worse.

You think it's for the best to isolate yourself from everyone, so you can't hurt them.

i still think like this, i always think that people don't want me around anymore, i feel as though they are getting fed up of me being like this, depressed, self harming and so on.

People who are depressed act out, they over think everything, they overreact and people think they are being childish.

i've been called childish because of the situation with Mark. I don't see how i was/am being childish.

they think that me not talking to them is childish, in my eyes i see it as quite grown up, childish would be if i acted out and started to attack them or something.

Not talking to them is supposed to stop the problem, not talking means i could have gotten on with my life without all the hate. But no i can't have that.

i think about ending it all a lot and it's scary. I don't think it's normal to think about it as much as i am. i've nearly done it a load of times, but i haven't got the guts to go through with it.

The way i see it is that with me out of the picture everyone would be happier, nobody needs or wants me around, i bring everyone down with how i feel.

It's like i'm not allowed to be happy, whenever i'm happy i get really scared because i know the happiness won't last, it might last an hour or a day maybe a week at a push but then the stupid depression kicks in and it hits hard.

i was close to attempting last night, nobody had said anything to me, nobody had done anything to me, i was just really depressed.

when you have depression you always hear these voices in your head telling you you're a waste of space, unloved, unwanted, fat, ugly, nobody cares, kill yourself, nobody would notice anyway, he/she doesn't like you, people use you, you're better off alone and that you're better off dead.

Depression is a bitch, a bitch that nobody should have in their life, it makes you feel like crying all the time.

For as long as i can remember i've cried myself to sleep with thoughts about going through with it, and then while i'm asleep depression is still present and letting me have nightmares every single night. The only time i haven't cried myself to sleep is when i sleep over someones or someone sleeps over mine.

Depression, everyone hates you!

you make people depressed

you make people cry

you make people hate themselves

you make people lose friends

you ruin people's lives.

Just fuck off!

nobody can understand depression properly unless they have had it themselves, you still know nothing about it even if you are close to someone with it.

You don't know anything.

have you ever had a friend you're not sure is your friend for some reason, like they are trying to get you to talk?

i really do hope i'm wrong.

if you need someone to talk to i'm always here and happy to help as much as i can. i want to help people.

Stay Strong Beautiful People ♡ ♥ I love you all :) xx

 

oh and one more thing.....

i've known about you knowing for a while now!

did you seriously think that i wouldn't find out, seriously?

i'm actually glad you feel like that, you deserve it.

you know how shit you feel, that's nothing compared to how i feel.

you're feeling shit because of the truth.

Just because i know you know about this i'm not gonna stop writing about it!

I honestly don't care how you feel anymore, you've put me through a load of shit.

Writing this is my escape, it helps me get it out, i can't vocalize it so i type it.

If you don't like it then don't read it.

You always get your say, but when i say mine, it's wrong.

like i've said before, i'm not gonna stop something that is helping me and possibly others because you don't like it.

You can't tell me what to do!