I'm trying to help

arguments

do you know what its like to argue with people that were your friends?

Then add the depression.

The hate.

and everything else.

It's horrible.

The teachers were striking but only some so year 9, 10 and 12 went in.

it was nice not getting squashed in the corridor.

but my day got worse.

at break time I either go music and chill with the teacher. (love her) she knows about the hate and stuff but not that I cut, well as far as i know.  or I would go in the dinner hall with some friends. well 'friends'.

so i decided I would go to the dinner hall and sit with them as I was staying with 3 other people all day.

I sat down away from Mark, Andrew, Kylie and the others. i was sat with some of people i would say were my friends but i'm not sure if they actually are.

about 5 minutes into break they all decided they were going to sit around the same table as me.

then Andrew said he wanted to sort everthing out, i kept quiet.

He and his friends started to say that this whole thing was pissing  them off.

it has nothing to do with his friends, its not like they have lost most of  their friends.

But they carried on talking about how they want everything back to normal, i was going to say okay but i still dont want to talk to either of Mark and Kylie.

But then Mark said something nasty, which i cant remember,they all called him a dickhead and then i got up and left.

i walked outside and sat with people i know actually like me.

5 minutes after Andrew came out and sat on the bench with me and my friends and tried to talk.

i was nearly in tears and i didnt want to talk to him.

i told him to fuck off, i said i didnt want to speak to him.

he got mad and called me names and told me to never go to him when i need help, i have never gone to him for help.

but what i dont get is that when others tell him to fuck off he doesnt make a big deal out of it but when i say it it's like it's the end of the world.

then after his friend sent me a massive paragraph on facebook saying that this situation is silly and that she doesnt blame it all on me and that not all of them have turned agaisnt me. then she goes onto have ago at me for telling him to fuck off. (even though she tells everyone to fuck off for no reason what so ever)

then his other friend decided to join in and say "we are all pissed off, what makes you the one to be the most pissed off?

maybe because everyone is turning agaisnt me because i cut, maybe because Mark is calling me fat ect... maybe i have other problems, she doesnt know anythin.

"it isnt a competition Jade, it's not "who can be the most childish and act like were a huge victim of every situation" game.

so is not speaking to someone because they have called you names and made fun of you and had ago at you for no reason childish? i dont make out im the victim of every situation. i dont even know how she could say that.

it's not my fault i have depression and other shit.

well now i think about it i probably am the victim, their words hurt like knives. i have never said anything hurtful to them. but in no way have i ever made out that i am a huge victim.

after she had said that my friend took my phone.

while my friend was on my  phone his friend said "is this way of her ignoring the fact that she's being really stupid towards this situation?"

how the fuck am i being really stupid in this situation. All im doing is not talking to the people that have hurt me.

"if i may say, she's acting like a coward. she doesnt hesitate to write loads of tweets about eveyone but as soon as someone decicdes to take a stand against it all she backs off and just tells people to "Fuck off"

how am i acting like a coward? it wasnt me who said shit on annon on ask.fm, it wasnt me who blocked mark to write tweets about him, it wanst me who runs away from mark.

yes i may write tweets, i havent wriitten loads and i have never mentioned anyones name.

heres some of the tweets ive written:

-Mental illnesses arent something to joke about

-hope you're happy with yourself for making me feel like shit

-you're such a coward...you can sit behind a screen and say all that to me....but you probably wont say it to my face...youre pathetic

and a couple more, you can look for yourself if you want @jaydlouise_

ive shortened down everything they have said because it just goes on and on.

they say they're trying to help but i have never seen  them try to help, only once i can remember when we were all out and i broke down. thats all i can remember.

be careful who you tell, try and not make the same mistakes as me.

don't tell someone because they say theyre there for you. if youre are fairly close to somone who you know has suffered with it go to them, because they know how it feels and how much you need somone. if you dont know anyone then tell a member of your family or someone you truly trust. but still be carefull because you can never know what can happen. they could stay or turn against you.

remember i am always here if you need anything from a friend, advice, someone to moan to, anything. i'll be happy to help.  

Stay Strong Beautiful People ♡ ♥ I love you all :) xx