I'm trying to help

BARS AND MELODY :D and other stuff

today has been a good day.

Today i went to Cardiff with my mum, dad and brother. Bars and Melody were doing a signing in HMV in Cardiff so i persuaded my mum to take me.

For those who don't know who Bars and Melody are they are 2 teenage boys. Leondre Devries is 13 years old and Charlie Lenehan is 15 years old, they auditioned on Britian's Got Talent in 2014 and came in 3rd place.

Even though they didn't win they still signed a record deal with Syco Music, Simon Cowell's record label. They have released a song called Hopeful.

Hopeful was written by Leondre, the chorus is the same as Hopeful by Twista and Faith Evans, but Leondre change the rap.

It's about bullying. Leondre was bullied when he was younger, and his escape was through writing music, so that's what he did.

Leondre and Charlie met through Facebook. Then Charlie said to Leondre "Do you want to meet up?"

When they met they clicked and then named themselves Bars and Melody, or BAM.

Charlie Lenehan is from  Frampton Cotterell, Bristol, England. He lives with his mother and younger sister.

Leondre Devries is from  Port Talbot, Wales. He lives with his mother, father, younger sister and three older brothers.

They are amazing and really polite, they didn't judge anyone, they said "i love you" to every fan.

some people cried, some people screamed, i just freaked out on the inside.

i had my CD signed by them, it kept me on a hype for most of the day.

unfortunately we weren't allowed to have photos with them :(

I was really happy for hours before and after but then everything came crashing down.

i don't even know the reason why i feel so depressed.

i hate feeling like this, when i feel like this i tend to push people away.

i haven't spoken to a close friend in ages, i feel like if she doesn't want to talk to me, who would. why would anyone want to talk to me?

my depression is definitely getting worse, i don't want to get out of bed, i don't want to do anything, i dont't want to eat, i'm unfortunately cutting more. 

i'm really trying not to but it's not easy.

i guess i just need a friend that will stick by me, that'll never leave. so many people have said "I'm always here for you" and then they leave.

i'm really scared about tomorrow. i have to go and see a councilor  about my selfharm and depression. i can't even talk to new people face to face, i can't even go to a shop to buy something on my own.

i'm really scared, i cant vocalize my thoughts, i can type it better than i can say it.

People think i'm lying when i say it face to face because i smile when i'm scared and nervous.

i know concilors are there to help but i'm still scared, i'm scared about telling someone i've only just met what's going on in my head, i can't even tell my family or friends so how am i supposed to tell a complete stranger face to face.

when i dont know what to say in the doctors i look towards my mum and she speaks for me.

i know i need help and i know it'll make me feel better but i dont think i'm ready, if that makes sense.

i've felt sick since the letter came saying the date i have to see the concilor.

if you ever need someone to talk to, to complain to, to ask advice, anything, i'm here and happy to help you.

Stay Strong Beautiful People ♡ ♥ I love you all :) xx