Bouquet of Rosés

realize | svt's joshua

j o s h u a . r o s é

[seventeen . blackpink]

~

- in which he was only there to make her realize things

~

I saw how love can make everyone who's strong vulnerable. How love can make someone intelligent be stupid. How something unbreakable be broken. How love can make everything upside down.

Love is dangerous, yet it makes us feel safe.

Love is toxic, yet almost everyone seems to live because of it.

I don't want to fall in love. Love is scary. I don't want to feel things that'll make me go stupid. Love is dangerous. I don't want to fall... because everything that falls gets broken.

So why her-my sister-got to meet the most horrible man probably in the world?

She's sweet, thoughtful, perfect... everything a person asks for! So why does she get to meet him?

Why does she needs to be hurt? To be alone in the end? To...

To disappear in the end?

And why...

That instead of her, I met him?

Hong Jisoo, better known as Joshua. Kind Joshua, perfect Joshua, warm Joshua, lovable Joshua...

He's everything she is. The polar opposite of me. I'm icy blue, he's fiery red. He's like the fire that warms everyone, while I'm the cruel cold everyone hates.

I sighed as I knelt in front of my sister's grave, finally letting go of the flowers that was in my hand.

"Hi, Alice." I greeted softly as I laid the flowers on the stone. "It's been another year..."

"I'm sorry I haven't visited you for months. To be frank, I don't really want to visit you these past few years. It feels hell every time I think of you buried six feet underground." I said, making myself comfortable in the grass. I crossed my legs as my butt touched the ground. "But then, this is the day you... left. Also your birthday. If you're still alive, I would've jokingly told you to pick a better date to do suicide."

The cold wind hit me harshly at the face. I felt numb, yet alive at the same time. "I guess I have nothing to tell you. School's been same. My classmates still hate me because... well, they think I'm rude and such. My marks are going pretty good. The money you saved at your bank account is still... well, there. I didn't use much of it since I also have three part-time jobs. I hope you're okay even though I know you're bothered that I'm straining myself."

"If you're wondering about my love life, I would like to disappoint you. I don't have those. I don't even have a friend." I said. "Love is bullshit, and you're a haunting proof." I muttered.

I don't want to fall in love.

~

I stared at my pinky as a classmate of mine loudly explained what the meaning behind 'pinky promise' is.

If you broke a pinky promise, your pinky finger would be cut off. I even heard someone said that a blood vessel was straightly connected from the pinky to the heart. That's why people considered pinky promise 'serious'.

I don't.

He promised a lot of times. Fucking million times. He broke every one of them. It's not just his pinky that would be cut off. All of him should be cut off into pieces.