Secrets and Lies || LOGAN SCOTT [1]

15 | Comfort

2015 ― Tree Hill, North Carolina

Dear Lucas,
I think my eating disorder is getting worse and people are starting to notice. On the outside, I still look the same, I think. I also don't trust my perception of my own body right now. But the other day, Peyton asked me if I was okay because my cheeks looked a little swollen. I lied and said my dentist told me I grind my teeth in my sleep, which can cause tension in the jaws and swelling and I keep forgetting to call to get a mouthguard. It's so easy to talk about this in these letters. I think it's because I don't actually expect you to ever read them. The only way you would read them is if I gave them to you, and Keith encourages me to give them to you all the time, but that would be weird, right? Brooke mentioned the other day that some days it looks like I've gained weight and then a few days later like I lost it back and she asked if I was okay. I honestly don't know. Nathan asked me the other day if I was okay because I was in our home gym way longer than I normally am. I usually keep my workouts around 45-60 minutes. The day Nathan asked me, I had been in there for 3-hours excessively working out. I know it's not good. I know what I'm doing isn't good, but at the moment, when everything is coming out, I feel a slither of relief before I feel like crap again... and that slither of relief is what keeps me in the cycle. How sick does that make me? Thanks for holding my secret, Luke. Not like I gave you much of a choice anyway.
Logan S.

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Logan Scott was in Peyton Sawyer's bedroom with Peyton and Haley James. The three girls were lying on Peyton's bed and recounting their nights. Logan knew they would find out eventually, so she figured she'd tell them about what happened with Roman. Haley was painting her toes while Peyton was drawing. "I kissed Roman last night," Logan said.

"Well, yeah... that was part of the auction. Kiss at midnight. I kissed Nathan and Haley kissed Lucas," Peyton said with a shrug and Haley nodded.

"Yes, obviously, and we did that... but then I kissed him again. And honestly, the first kiss wasn't an end-of-auction peck... it was a kiss," Logan said. Haley and Peyton looked up from what they were doing with wide eyes.

"Wait, so you guys like kissed kissed? Both times?" Haley asked. Logan bit down on her lip while nodding.

"And then he asked me out on an official date... one that wasn't put together by Brooke Davis or a charity auction," Logan said.

"It's about damn time!" Peyton exclaimed with a smile on her face. "This has been years in the making," She said and Logan rolled her eyes, but she was still smiling. "How are you feeling about it?" Peyton asked.

"Good... I feel good, and a little nervous. I mean it's Roman... I don't have anything to be nervous about, but I...-" Haley cut her off.

"...-You like him," Haley teased and Logan smiled.

"Yeah... but I'm just, with everything that's going on, I just want to make sure Roman and I are in a solid place and on the same page," Logan said. Haley nodded, understanding what she meant, but Peyton raised an eyebrow.

"Everything that's going on? What's up, foxy? You normally tell me everything," Peyton said. Logan frowned as she looked at Peyton because her friend was right. She does tell Peyton everything, but she hasn't told anyone outside of Roman about what her Mom told her.

"It's just the divorce. My parents are still trying to drag Nathan and me in the middle to pick a side," Logan said as she shook her head. It wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't the full truth either. Peyton nodded as she frowned. "I like that color on your toes, Hales. What is it?" She asked.