The Safe House | TFIL

18 - Drowning

The next couple days

They were the worst

Nothing could make this living Hell

Any worse

But every second

Of every day

Seemed to break that assumption

Into every little piece

Until nothing was left

I had stuffed the silver key

Gently into a drawer

I continued to stare at it

I don't even know what I was thinking about

I just stared

Maybe

Just maybe

If I started long enough

Something about this mess would change

But I knew nothing would change

Not from a simple glance at a key

Or even the slip of a word

Or the heart felt of an apology

Nothing would change

I was right back where I was before

No

I was worse

I wasn't at square one

I was off the board

I was drowning

I had forgotten how to breath a long time ago

But I always had something

Something to help me stay afloat

But now

All my safety guards

Had been popped

And I was drowning

Everyone was watching me drown

I was watching me drown

But no one cared

I didn't care

I walked over to my window

I've spent a lot of time by this window

But I haven't looked out of it

Not in a couple days

But today

Today was the day I dared to do so

I looked out

Out at the bright day

Everyone in the Safe House

Even Amanda and Kat

Were outside

Talking and laughing

I watched them

Wishing I was there with them

I paid closer attention

As Colby got up

With sunglasses on

A shirt off

Swim trunks on

And a Solo cup in his hand

He was heading back into the house

More than likely to get more to drink

A smile on his face

But 

Once he glanced up at me

He paused

Not happily

But not sadly either

My mind was smiling

But I was frozen

I was so happy to have him finally see me

All those days alone

They didn't matter anymore

I was so happy

But I forgot to smile

I guess so did he

Because he just looked at me

Up and down

Before taking in a breath

And looking away

Walking inside

He didn't smile

He didn't wave

He did nothing

And my happiness

Broke

Just like

Everything else in my life

I looked down

Disappointed

I don't even have a reason at this point

Everything I do is wrong

I don't need a reason to hate myself

I jerk myself back to reality

When a hand is placed on my shoulder

I looked over

'Hi.'  I sign to Tarron

'Hi.'  He signs back

We both look out the window

Both sad

After all that's happen

But Tarron doesn't know the half of it

And he doesn't need to

What he knows right now

That's all he needs to deal with

Then again

I'm not even sure how much he knows

All I know

Is that it's not enough

Like me

'Do you think they miss us?'  Tarron asks

I don't reply

Not at first

It takes me a second

"I miss them." I say out loud

I didn't bother signing it

I didn't look at Tarron

To see if he understood

I just looked out the window

Closing my eyes

As her voice entered the room

"Boys." She called us

I opened my eyes

Listening to my breathing

I hate breathing

I hate myself

I'm good at hating myself

THANK YOU FOR ALMOST 500 READS ON THIS DUMB STORY!!! -Chris