>>lost<< Yoonmin

V

Again, Park Jimin has interrupted my dull, listless life and held me firmly in place. Life for me is like a swift stream, and I am nothing but a leaf caught in its current.
Downstream, downstream, downstream, moving and moving and moving until...
He has scooped me up in his cupped hands and stops the flow for just a while. Just long enough for me to catch my breath. But all too soon he is swept back into his own life, his own stream, and I am swirling down, plummeting into the water and swept up in it once again.
Walking home in the rain is nothing but a free fall, the mindless, drifting down without even realizing. Getting home to my empty apartment and soaked groceries was that moment of hitting the water again after a long breath of air.
All along I was living underwater, everything muffled and blurred. Moments with Jimin are moments when I emerge from the water and breathe fresh, light air, not realizing what I had been missing out on until I had it.
He gave me a taste of air,
     And I don't want to go back under.
So I unpack and dry my groceries, I pace, I sit and tap my foot or drum on the table because I am drowning and I'm fighting so hard to reach the surface that is no where in sight.
Now that I have tasted air I am desperate for it and for my senses to be cleared of this disoriented reality of underwater. I want to hear without the water roaring in my ears, to speak and breathe without water filling my lungs and pulling me down, to see without the surface before me rippling, to touch without the waterlogged feeling I have now.
Even if I fight desperately to the surface, to him, it seems the girl from earlier will always be pulling him away from me. She was hateful and I didn't like it. I didn't like the way she reprimanded him or pulled him along. Or how she touched him so comfortably, as if it was normal.
Who is she to force home to do anything at all?
But who am I to be able to draw his attention? I am nothing but a nobody, and he is the rain. Even if she is hateful, at least she is the quaking hatred of thunder that accompanies rain. She accompanies rain. I do not.
The defeat really hits me then, and I'm done fighting, done struggling towards the rippled world above the water. The surface is becoming more and more distant as the light slowly fades, and I am sinking, sinking, sinking into an endless darkness.