>>lost<< Yoonmin

XI

I have made it home and delicately set down my camera bag before making my way back to my bedroom. Everything is so surreal and quiet, as if a wave of peace has washed over my world and for now I am able to truly relax. I strip out of my shoes, socks, coat, shirt, and pants before I remember I have given Jimin the hoodie I wore over my coat. I smile a bit, imagining him still having a small piece of me before I make my way to the bathroom and shower, still wide awake. After I have bathed and dressed in comfortable clothes, I make stir fry out of the odds and ends things in my fridge and pantry. The sun is peeking over the horizon as I settle down at the table and eat with a fork in one hand, using the other to grab my camera and turn it on.
I study Jimin's photo as I scarf down my hours-later-than-intended supper. It really did turn out well, focused perfectly on him and the bush, not grainy despite the poor lighting.
I have begun to zone out, fork in my mouth as I stare at the digital screen. Although his smiling face shows in the photo, my mind can think of nothing but the tears streaking his face as I pulled him closer. It was so sudden, so unexpected, and I can't quite seem to put my finger on what caused it.
"Don't be upset, or scared. Not of me."
His voice fills my thoughts as I recall what he had told me.
"Not of me."
He had added. Did he believe that it was him who got me so scared and nervous? Was it my own mini-meltdown that caused him to break so painfully?
The thoughts have begun to spin again, and my chest feels tight with guilt. I can help but feel it was my fault...
"Jimin was crying when I got there."
My mind whispers to me, trying to comfort me with it's rational explanations.
"He was already on edge. It would hurt anyone to see someone they care about struggling because of them."
It sings on, like a calming melody as I stand and pack my plate and fork into the dishwasher.
Wait but... "someone they care about"? I realize the thought that crossed my mind and frown.
Does Jimin care about me?
Could he?
But how could he?
The doubt is painful but I brush it away with more ease than usual.
He wouldn't have cared how I felt if he didn't care about me.
With this thought echoing through my head and a small smile on my face, I go out onto the balcony and watch the sun rise and a new day awakens.
It has been so long since I enjoyed the beauty of a sunrise.
I muse and my smile widens. I lean on the railing, a chill creeping up my hands from the cold metal.
Perhaps Jimin is the one who opened my eyes to the beauty I missed all along.