>>lost<< Yoonmin

X

"It's okay."
His gentle words echo in my head as I stare at his head. He is perfectly still, eyes obscured by his silvery blonde hair. His delicately sloped nose peeks out from his curtain of hair. His lips are set in a firm, thin line, and as I am about to whisper his name, his body shakes heavily with a desperate inhale.
His mouth forms into a grimace and he is trembling, clenching his teeth at the first silent tear rolls down his moonlit cheek.
"It will all be okay."
He whispers again, and I don't know if he is talking to me or himself anymore. My confusion has frozen me in place but as his lips part, releasing a heavy sob I step closer.
"Jimin-ah."
He smiles painfully and finally lifts his gaze to mine. His eyes dazzle, squinted into thin lines that release tears, rolling more constantly now. Despite this, he smiles at me. Even if it is forced he is smiling at me through all the pain that fills his eyes.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."
He is chanting it now, a mantra flowing seamlessly over his lips.
"Why?"
I whisper and notice my voice is shaking because I can't stand to see him falling apart like this and I don't understand. I don't know what to do.
"I'm so tired."
He whispers heavily and as his shoulders sag I reach out and loop my fingers around his neck. Before I know what I am doing I have pulled his chin into my shoulder and his fingers grasp my hips, grabbing onto the easiest thing at the sudden movement.
We stand there for the longest time, not breathing, not speaking, just frozen. I recall his aversion to touch and consider releasing him, but as if someone had hit the play button, his fingers grasp my shirt harder and he has balled them into fists. He nuzzles himself into my shoulder and sobs. We stand like this for who knows how long. Until his sobs have subsided and his breathing has become more normal. Until his fingers slowly loosen and no longer clings to me for dear life.
I wouldn't have grabbed anyone else, I wouldn't have held anyone else, but Jimin is special. His touch and his gaze may make me fidget, but not like it normally does. It feels like a good nervousness, not the waves of anxiety that come with social interaction with others.
"It's so hard to be strong."
He whispers, snapping me from my thoughts.
He pulls away slowly, so I loosen my grip with each of his slow movements. He moves so our eyes meet and our noses are only a few inches apart. I feel his soft breaths on my face, and I can't breathe as he stares down at me. The silence between us stretches out, full of potential. But as it ticks away, he only sighs and pulls back, releasing me fully as I do the same for him.
"Will you be okay?"
I ask softly as he lowers his gaze to his shoes. He nods, a beautiful blush creeping over his soft cheek bones.
"I feel better now. Th-thank you, Yoongi."
He mutters hoarsely and I nod.
"We should both be getting home."
He says and we walk slowly to the park entrance, drawing out the time we have together. Before long we have reached the gate and pause to exchange a few words.
"It will be okay, alright."
He whispers to me and I nod, smiling softly at the words that seemed to break him.
We pass goodbyes and lingering gazes before parting ways and going in our own direction. The whole event seems to catch up with me as I heave a sigh.
Such a beautiful man broke down in front of me.
And he let me comfort him.
Even Jimin has flaws. I was scared he would be too prefect for me. But I love his flaws.
My cheeks become red at the though of holding another man against me. It had been so long since I had had a real relationship, my last being a cute, childish girl who had to be the one to make me realize I was gay. She was upset, but we both knew there was better out there for her than me.
The potential of a relationship with Jimin really got my heart beating, his flat chest against mine, his amazingly plump lips, his delicate figure...
I slap my cheeks suddenly and shake the thoughts from my mind.
Park Jimin was already in a relationship, and even though he was so close, he was still just beyond my fingertips.