Just Add It On

Chapter 18

"Autumn, wait." I feel Mason grab my arm as I get ready to bring the last bag to my car. I see Ashley walk out of the room and close my eyes. I take a breath and then turn around. "I didn't mean to blow up and yell at you or make you cry. I was just frustrated that you won't let me protect you. You've already been hurt under my watch, yes it wasn't by the people that are after your Dad, but I think that makes it even worse. How am I going to protect you from people like that if I can't protect you from a crazy ex?" He states and I know he wants me to look up at him, but I can't. I continue to look past him at the mundane wall.

"I shouldn't have brought your Mom into it and I'm sorry I did." He says and I shake my head looking up at him.

"It's true. I tell myself that I should hate my Mom, but really I'm just trying to fight the truth. And the truth is...I've felt that I've been missing a part of me ever since she died. I feel that a part of me is dead and I thought that if I blocked it out it'd eventually it'd go away. You made me realize I'm the only one that can change this feeling." I say wiping a tear that began to fall down my cheek. 

"And I know that I couldn't have done anything more to help that boy, but no matter how many times I tell myself that, I still feel I should have done more. I feel that maybe if I continue to help people it could...I don't know..somehow make up for what happened." He sighs and now he's the one not making eye contact.

"We both need to let what happened happen. Yes, I lost my Mom, and you weren't able to save him, but we both need to move on. Learn from our mistakes and you need to know that you did everything you could have. You don't have any debts to pay." I say taking his hand.

"I guess we both did our homework." He says looking up at me.

"I can't have a random guy living with my family, especially one that I know can legally drink," I state pointing a finger at him.

"True, but I've never been drunk. Buzzed, yes, drunk, no. Don't like the thought of not being in control of my body and mind." He says and I nod understanding.

"Yeah, well I don't want to be drunk ever again," I say and he laughs. "So, if I told you I knew, what else did I tell you?" I ask and he shrugs.

"Can't seem to remember."

"Bullsh*t, if you can remember all that crap about me you can remember what I said when I was drunk," I say lightly pushing him away from me. He shrugs again and I shake my head. I throw him the bag and he laughs as he catches it.

We both walk out the door and head to my car. This car ride is more light and just feels good. I don't have to pretend not to know, he doesn't have to pretend, and there aren't any messed up lies or stories to keep straight. "Hey, when we first met. You said you wish your parents didn't do what they do, is that true?"

"Yes, almost everything I told you is true and the stuff I lied about I'm pretty sure you knew what it was." He glances over at me and I nod before watching the white roads become more white. The joy of snow.

We get to the house, quietly open and close the door and then we try to set all the bags down quietly. We make more noise shushing each other, but it's alright. I tell him to look upstairs and see if the kids are asleep on the couch.

He shakes his head, so I grab his hand and bring him down to the basement. I see Josephine on the air mattress and Mia on the couch. I take us down the hallway and into my Mom's old bedroom. It's the guest room, but my Mom went back living in it so many times that it's just what I call it. I tell Mason this and he closes the door behind him. I take a seat on the bed and smile as I remember giving her breakfast in bed.

I burnt her waffles and spilled some of the orange juice, but she still said it was the best thing she'd ever eaten. I look around the room. The walls are the same dark teal, the brown closet is still broken. One of the doors still leaning against the other. The carpet is that weird pinkish color, but is soft as fluff. There's still the cabinet with old china and decorations. A huge dresser that is always stuffed with anything and everything right next to it.