Waiting For The End. (Complete) (EDITING )

Random day, in a random bar gets you a random story.

Funny fact: vodka it's like a truth serum. You drink a few glasses, start to feeling good, in the mood. Then you start to spill all the dark secrets hiding inside yourself.
So we are starting this chapter with a few suggestions:
-don't drink vodka close to the person from whom you're hidding secrets.
-tell your designed driver to took away your phone, just in case you decided it's a cool idea to contact that person.
-maybe.... WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING?
If you decided to drink vodka it's a simple step: DO IT HIDDEN IN A BATHROOM, LOCKED PHONE AND KEYS LOCKING THE PHONE, DONT LET ANYONE GET IN YOUR HOUSE WHILE YOU'RE DRINKING AND STAY AWAY FROM ANY OTHER KIND OF LIVING SOUL (to be sure you don't tell your secrets to a cat and then the mauthafucking fur ball decides it's good tell you to other human, you can't never be sure enough)

-Bars can be so funny Joni did you noticed it?

-Dallas, honey, you are too drunk. Let me get us a cab.

-yes, please. I'm so tired. I want my bed. And my vibrator. I need my battery friend. It's been a looping time, way too long.

-Dallas, stop right the hell there. I really love the part in our relationship where I don't notice you have a vagina because you act, fight and drink like one of the boys.

-then you just imagine that big rubber dock upon my ass. You are my best friend. Best friends need and should share this kind of information. It's vital importance. Right there in front of your face! -I was murmuring. My words were coming heavy in this point.

-no, we don't! We are not! I refuse. Come on taxi! Hurry up!

-that's because you're so selfish! Did you know that before you decided you prefer brush your tooth with a dick I was in love with you? I was a 12 year old kid, but I knew it.

-Dallas Maddox! Shut up!

-oh, I'm not judging here, honey. I stop loving you that way because, you know, I love that, too!! I decided that the man I'll choose will have to had his penis pierced. It's will pierced there? He's hot, sweetie, I'm proud of you.

-again, we are not sharing information!

-again, that's because you are selfish. It's sooooo unfair. Life I mean.

-why life is unfair to you, sweetie? -he sigh

-because you are so goddamned sexy, and so gay. And will is smocking hot, and so so gay. And yours, all I get is stupid assholes who like beer and fast food a little too much. Maybe I should try the gay thing?

-no, sweetie, you need to stop booty calling assholes in random bars and change vodka for water.

-you are not funny, mister. And vodka can be confused as water. It's transparent. You can't tell the difference!

-actually, if you were drinking water instead of vodka, you probably would not being talking about this shit. Any of this.

-you're right. I miss dicks and sex so much. If I were sober probably I would be enjoying one instead talking to you about it.

-let's get you that bed now, wifey. Happy first anniversary!

-for you too honey. Your gift is in the second drawer. Enjoy yourself!...

I fall asleep after a few minutes when I heard jon screaming:

-You get me a pierced dick and a pierced ass? What is wrong with you!!??

I had an epic hangover the next 3 days. Jon's dirty looks totally worth the pain.