Waiting For The End. (Complete) (EDITING )

Time Doesn't Heal Everything

Doctors usually out a time line on your recovery way. You supposed to do 6 month of physical therapy and your arm will do it great. You know, you are young, muscle can do it fine. Tissue get reconstructed.
But sometimes recovering takes more than physical therapy and some exercise.

Recover from that night took more from me than just 6 months.

It took 2 years. And if you really dig deep inside, you'll  find out that I've never heal.

My physical and metal therapy consisted on tons of fighting. Some nights I stayed on the gym until my body just gave up.

My voice suffer a big change because I lived on vodka and cigarettes and barely gave my voice a use. Online shopping was a good invention.

Later that year I realized that joni was planning on murder me. Seriously. He planned ended my suffering. He didn't know what else to do.

It wasn't until I found out I was pregnant again that I stop everything.

I met an outsider that helped me on basic needs. On February I felt very sick. Jonathan make me do a pregnancy test. It was positive.

Later that night there was no alcohol or fighting basics on my home anymore.

I bought a car, I put my stuff inside and 2 hours hours later I finished everything I told joni I was leaving to kootenai.

He bought a cabin a few years ago, before the attack. Wood sounded like a great choice for me. I was panicking.

He told me that was impossible and that I was crazy. He called the father of the baby and make arrangements for us to move to Denver. No far enough. But not so close.

The 2 of us were moving. He was not leaving me alone.

To May 2013 my obsession with music and books hit a boiling point.
I was feeling a huge step back from the last 30 months and 6 days. (No that I was counting )

My shrink suggested once, that maybe write all the thoughts spinning around my head (the fight, the travels, the long road home, my self) could help me realese some stress.

Maybe, I'm guessing, that would help If I didn't stare blank the paper like it was a human eating alien.

Insomnia was the worst part. I was beyond tired and I couldn't sleep even if I barely leave the bed to bathroom and doctor's appointments.

The only thing that helped me to sleep was listening to music. Linkin park was generally playing on my earplugs day and night.

It was hell because I was scared. The what if list gets larger when there's another life you have to protect. And even if you know what you need to do, like sleeping,  It was impossible.

Chazzy was barely standing by my side. I didn't pronounced much words those days.

The last time we had a big conversation was the day I break through army screaming in panic after the first ultrasound.

The baby was good. But what if the baby, suddenly, wasn't ok? I didn't want to know.

I just wanted to lay in my bed until October, my due date. I didn't want even go to hospital to have her.

Other people were not talking to me. Ol'ladies, mc members and even the father of this girl, they reached joni to updates after medical appointments.
The only guy I could Stan talking to was joni. He sleep with me every night.

But I couldn't keep doing this to him anymore. So I made a desition. After Alabama born, I needed to move to the cabin, I was thinking about telling that to joni after we go home. He will try to convince me like he did before.