Slipped Away

Part 30

(?)

Last night was the most humiliating and degrading night of my life! I'm not sure what all happened but Janis and I were the first to arrive and I couldn't get over Jeff's
House. There was a huge brightly colored couch in the living room and a very old looking antique coffee table. I noticed the numerous joints set up in a candy
dish and cringed inwardly a little. I had kind of decided to take a break from drugs because it was really starting to fuck up my memory lately. I made a promise
to not give in and if it got too hard to just make up an excuse and leave. Well that worked fine until someone lit a joint and starting passing it around. The smell was so
strong and overpowering that my previous plan went right out the window and when it finally came my way I eagerly took it and inhaled that sweet and wonderful
smoke into my lungs. Oh to be high again!
It wasn't long after that when Jeff's friend_____dropped PCP and Janis disappeared into a room and then Jeff was setting up Smack for me and Janis, or I assumed
it was for her too. Anyway, Janis never came out of the room and Jeff was tying me off and shooting me up and before I knew it I was on a beautiful low. Before
I was completely out of it I noticed Jeff and _____ bringing out what looked like whips, riding crops, and something else I couldn't recognize. I realized later when I started to come down that bastard Jeff and _____ took turns raping me in every way possible and beating me with the objects they were bringing out earlier. Then they had sex in front of me! It was disgusting! I think they even stuck things inside me, because I'm awfully sore down there and it hurts to walk.
I still haven't seen Janis and I think the bitch was in on it! Truly I do! When I went back to her place it was as if she never lived there! The cunt left! Just like that!
I even think she joined in with them at one point but I'm not sure because it was fuzzy and I was so fucked up.
I'm sore all over and wish I had a pill to take away the bad memories and I miss Lou....

(?)

Either I'm paranoid or they been passing some bad shit around here but I'm convinced the fuzz is after me. Earlier as I was walking down the street two pigs
were really giving me the eye man, like, shit! Then I went to the park and the pigs there were staring at me! What the fuck man, like, no where is safe and the
fucking establishment is just taking over everything!

(?)

It's still the...whatever it is. I actually found a place to hide and I don't think the most clever detective could find me here! I just wish I had an upper or
something! Anything! I'd take on the whole world for one good fix! There's a fat girl laying on the grass a foot away from me and she looks completely burned out man. Earlier I asked if she had anything and she couldn't answer me because she was so far out on her bummer trip nothing else existed. At least I'm not burned out and I'm not knocked up. Or maybe I am. So what who gives a shit. Or maybe I will get trampled or beaten to death during a freak out and lose it that way. Who Knows?

(?)

Wouldn't you know it? It's started to rain and I wanted to go see who's holding but it's coming down like a bitch and now I'm getting sick. I'm so plugged up and congested my head feels like a heavy cement block. I'm chilled to the bone, filthy and hungry and needing a fix so bad I just want to scream and throw myself against the wall! It's been so long since I've been laid I'm beginning to wonder if I even feel anything down there at all any more. I saw a pretty girl earlier but didn't dare approach her looking the way I look now. I didn't even get aroused, if you can believe that! When I look around all I see is hate and shit.

(?)

I just, like, fucked this guy and he gave me some joints and some food but my ass is still dragging and I'm terribly lonely. I really need to blow this set-up man. It's so depressing I don't even want to open my eyes anymore when I wake up. I'm so tired and weak and stupid that I just wish I could crawl into a hole and die and be done with the whole shitty mess.

Later

The rain has started bitchin again and I still haven't found anyone that's holding because the fuzz has scared away all the dopers. It's like the whole sky is
pissing on us and I can't help but wonder if it is really God crying for everybody. Maybe even for me? Maybe? I think I'm really losing my mind and I
absolutely have to get out of this shit hole.