"I hate-no dislike you a thousand times that you may never feel because of that thick wall of ice around your heart. That thick ice that no one might break because no one cares to even change you. Like they said, people don't change after 24 hours."...
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eight - i don't want to feel anything
*
"I'm sorry! Okay?!" I yell at Kyran while he rolls his eyes. "You should've just minded your own buisness! Stop pestering Gold!" A tear slip from my eyes as Kyran left my room. All he cared about was Gold. The girl that abandoned his feelings. I clenched my fists. I'm sorry Gold. I'm sorry that I just loved my brother more. I'm sorry that I yelled at you because I didn't mean for such feelings to basically occur and tear me apart. I was just concerned for Kyran.
"I need to leave this stupid place." I mutter in annoyance. I walked around parks, streets and cafés to make myself preoccupied from my anger. When I actually looked at my phone I saw the time; it was hella late. "Ugh, let him have my house for a change." I muttered bitterly. I enter a café (this will be the last) and coincidently see Alec. "What are you doing here?" I confront him.
"Sipping a drink but WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" He replies as I rolled my eyes and say, "Kyran and I fought, shut up." I grab a chair and sit in his table. "I know I asked you what happen, but I didn't mean for you to sit with me." I roll my eyes again and wipe my tears. "Shut up." He looks at me with an unknown emotion. "I know you don't care, but I just need someone to vent my emotions to. Kyran told me off on being mad at Gold. I'm was mad at him. But now I understand that what I did was a mistake." I quietly utter to myself as I forgot that Alec was listening.
"Y'know, even though you fought with your brother earlier. I don't understand why you still admire him, why you still love him even though for his imperfections." He told me.
I stay silent for awhile. "Well, ever since in highschool that I've seen him suffer with hate, with his career and everything it just became normal for me to like. . comfort him and admire his will to stay strong." Alec sipped his cup. "Wait, why am I even saying this to you?" I ask him, snapping out of my sentimental phase while Alec just shrugged. "I dunno, I just have a brother myself and it is pretty hard to appreciate him." I raised an eyebrow, "What is he like?"
He sighed, "He is a playboy, he had an ex that he dated in college. He is used to profanity, infact, he uses it as it's his second language. He is someone. . I don't look up to."
I nodded and ordered a drink since I was hungry.
*
I look at my phone and notice that it's ten o' clock. Oh my, I'm dead. I enter my house and instantly am bombarded with Kyran running to me and hug me. "Where were you! I almost died! Funneh don't ever do that again." I tell him what happened to me the whole day. "I'm really sorry, I was just carried away by my anger. I should've thought about your feelings." I shaked my head, "I should've understanded your feelings. I knew you loved her."
After our understanding, I walked to my room and sighed in relief. We finally finished our fight. I had been quite upset by our fight. I really have to apologise to Gold for my inappropriate behavior towards her. And today; I was shocked by Alec's understanding - like attitude towards me. But it's not like I admire his attitude! It's just that. . I was shocked by him. I don't want to feel anything. I'm not supposed to feel anything.
