"I hate-no dislike you a thousand times that you may never feel because of that thick wall of ice around your heart. That thick ice that no one might break because no one cares to even change you. Like they said, people don't change after 24 hours."...
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fifteen - why?
*
I layed down on my bed and kept thinking about yesterday night. Alec seemed so nice. Not like the egocentric personality that he usually wears. I actually had a chance to see his caring side. Well he was caring. He just didn't know on how to express it. It was just that he was pretty secretive and a more to himself kind of guy. So I got used to it eventually. But now, I couldn't sleep thinking about it. Most unforgettable night of my life. I smiled and tried to stop myself. I was probably like an idiot yesterday crying like my lollipop has been stolen from me. Not that I would really cry it that would happen. (i would)
Gold entered my room without even knocking. "Hey Funneh! I've been calling you for like a thousand times!" She complained as I ignored her burning stare and tried to hide the blush that was evident on my face. "Oohh, who have you been thinking about lately." Okay, Funneh. Even though you really don't have a history on being good at lying you'll try. "Uhm, the ice caps were rapidly melting because of global warming. I was pretty upset about it." She laughed, "Hahaha, Yeah Funneh, like you would totally blush about stupid ice caps melting and us possibly dying! Tell me, who is it?"
I come down the stairs while swalling the big lump in my throat. Oh dear, I sat down on the table (the farest away from Gold). "Sooo, who did you think about?" I shake my head. "Ryan? Alex? Christian? Riley?" I shake my head once again. Not trusting my tongue right now. "Alec?" I gulp. "Funnehhhh, please! Or else, I'll tell him that you were madly inlove with him since highschool! I put the plate that she prepared (with nothing in it) infront of my face to hide my face turning redder by the second. "Funneh, I'm on my way to dial him right now." I get rid of the plate on my face and mutter. "It's not Alec!"
She stared at me in disbelief. "Really?" I nodded and closed my eyes for more dramatic effect. "Fine, it is him." She laughed and placed her phone back on the table (not even touching it one bit). "What happened then? Why are you suddenly drowning in your own thoughts?" I played with the hem of my shirt and looked down in embarrassment. "I always ask myself why, like why? I'm supposed to hate Alec right?" Gold stayed silent with a nuetral stare. "Why is it that, everytime he teases me or plays around or stares at me deeply, smile, or comfort me I feel good? My heart beats fast, my cheeks get redder. I hate him right? It's just hate right?" Gold crossed her arms.
"Well, that's because you like him."
I shake my head, "No, that can't be true." She sighed. "Well, just think about it. It is the symptoms of liking someone." While I couldn't believe Gold's words it seemed to crash down on me making me realize that she was true. But, Alec doesn't feel the same Funneh. He doesn't feel the same. I kept convincing myself over and over again. Because you shouldn't always trust your expectations especially if it will only end up hurting you at the end. And I know I can't handle the pain. With Evan; I've cried for days upon weeks without end. Gold grabs my attention and hands me the phone, "It's your mom." I instantly lit up and grab the phone from her hand.
"Hi mom!"
*
Gold and I were both left alone because Kyran and Alec were busy for the whole day. I got a call from my boss to attend work because their assigned worker was absent for the day. I bid goodbye to Gold as she was mopping around on being lonely at home. I'm sorry, I need to work or else I'll get fired. I drove to the café and greeted my boss who assigned me to the dreaded milk designing thing. I am so dead tonight. I tried to warn the boss that I didn't know on how to do it. But he only answered with, "Then why are you here?"
After moments later customers started to arrive as my hands were shaking. My milk art looked like scribbles but instead on coffeé. The faces on each customer meant one thing, "Why are you even here if you don't know on how to work?"
"Ugh, why is the design so. . bad?"
"It was a wrong choice even coming to this place."
"Eww."
I just felt my self esteem crashing down in shame. So I hurriedly excused myself and ran home. Whatever if I get fired. I'll never work in that terrible environment ever.
I'm so embarrassed. Okay then. . ? I guess I am not fit to be a barista.
[TO BE CONTINUED]
okay... hahaha i accidentally pressed the publish button when it wasn't finished yet..so here it is now!
