MY WORST FEARS (Completed)

CHAPTER 18

    dedicated to: vintagejoy
                 mumbiy
               pancreak. Mob love to you guys.

             

                LAILA'S'S POV

I stomped straight into my room, slipped out of my clothes and entered the bathroom in a bra and panties. The shower water felt cold and it numbed my pain. I loved my mum, but I hated the fact that she always dictated everything that I did.

Mum has been doing this ever since I made out with my boyfriend. I don't know whether to call it making out or not because he only denuded me and when his eyes came into contact with my naked body, he never attempted to touch me again. Every time we kissed, he would stop abruptly and say he had something to take care of.

But all along I knew the reason. He never told me the truth until that day I constantly asked him to touch me. He had turned me down, saying he preferred to wait until marriage.

The way he averted his eyes while he talked about how he loved me spoke volumes.

"Let's not do this. I'm tired and I need to rest,” he’d say.

"But I love you anyways." Don uttered the phrase whimsically, never looking at me as the words poured out of his mouth.

"Why don't you find joy in touching my body?" I asked him time and time again but he never attempted to respond.

I reached out to unclipped my bra while standing before the mirror. I let the piece of clothe to fall to my feet, too busy staring at my reflexion to notice. I was afraid to look at myself, to look at my body. It killed me every time I did.

I moved away from the mirror, quickly covering my body in a towel. I was deeply ashamed of the person that stood in front of me. I hated my body. I hated my breasts. I hated my skin and everything else about me.

I hate myself.

I put on my bra once again, shoved on a night dress and headed out to my sister's room. I would sleep next to her and everything would be okay. I knew everything would be okay. I was worried sick about her. I knew she was hiding something, but I'd wait for her to tell me. She always did.

I curled myself around my sister that night, trying to sleep but my efforts were all in vain. How was I supposed to get rest when my life was crashing before my eyes? Should I trust my mum about what she said about my sister? The doctor was clear about what he diagnosed. Why would he give the wrong information to people’s families?

Weren't they supposed to be careful with the information they gave?

I held my sister tighter like it was the last time I would ever get the chance to do so. I didn't want her away from me. I didn't want her to leave me. My sister was all I had. Tears swam in my eyes and I felt pangs of pain in my heart.

She must have heard my sobs because shortly after I started crying, Jackie woke up. She glanced at me with eyes full of concern and she caressed my face. She kissed my cheeks several times.

"What are you worrying yourself with Sis? Come here,” she pulled me into a tight hug. She knew me so well. Everything that I could think about she always knew. I didn't have to tell her.

Isn't that how sisters are supposed to be?

"I know you missed means all, but can you at least stop making it so obvious. You're kinda making me feel guilty", she sighed deeply before continuing.