MY WORST FEARS (Completed)

CHAPTER 31

LAILA'S POV

My voice was already becoming hoarse from shouting at Hellboy. My arms also ached terribly from beating the crap out of him while he was trying to convince me how innocent he was. I’ve spent three hours in the bathroom, feeling sorry for myself. I somehow even managed to pee on the floor, although luckily my clothes were untouched.

After all the hundreds of questions I asked myself, I didn't get any answer so I decided to walk out and pack my things. I just wanted to get out of here and go home. I'd surely have peace after seeing my sister.

Standing there debating whether to wipe off the piss, I decided otherwise. He could do it himself after all he had done to me. There was nothing else for me to lose. I had already lost the love given to me by my boyfriend and the respect from someone I didn't even consider as a friend.

There was nothing else I had left to lose.

Everything important and of value to me was all gone. Certainly, even the thing I held so dearly. My virginity. Losing it without being aware of the situation myself.

Without my consent. 

I walked back to the room, the shirt hanging loosely, leaving nothing to imagine. My heart almost stopped when I found Hellboy seated on the edge of the bed covering his face with his hands, elbows resting on his knees. I had the urge to cover myself up like I always did, but remembering he had all that show last night, I decided otherwise. There was nothing else to hide. 

"You might as well fuck me while I’m not conscious.” My hands automatically went to cover my mouth, realizing that I had just voiced my thoughts. As soon as my words were out, I regretted them immediately.

He slowly uncovered his face from his hands and turned his head towards me. His eyes were bloodshot, probably from crying his heart out.

What reason does he have cry? I was the one who was supposed to be crying, not him! He's the one who abused me. Unconsciously. I was the only one with the right to cry. Only me.

"Laila,” he croaked out as he rose from the bed, walking towards me. His eyes had dark bags underneath them and he seemed paler, almost like a ghost of his former self. It looks like he hadn’t slept for an entire week.

He looked different. This person standing before me was not the boy who had previously insulted me in school. Who thought he had the right to talk shit to me. I'd been expecting him to be shouting at me and giving me all sorts of threats like he usually did.

Something was wrong with him. This wasn’t the Hellzel that I knew.

"I think I'll bring you your clothes. They're probably dry by now,” he said, his voice rough as sandpaper as he walked passed me.

He washed my clothes? Glancing over at the bed, I realized that it was already made. Why was he behaving like this? Why was he pretending to be sweet?
"After everything you did, you have the nerve to just pretend you didn't hear what I said?"

I honestly didn't know why I was still talking. For some reason, I wanted to make him angry. And I was busy, picking on him. What’s wrong with my head?

"Look here.” Suddenly he was in front of me, my hands engulfed by his large ones. His lilac blue eyes pierced right through me, as if he could see behind my “tough girl” facade. My legs weakened at his sight and when I tried to act all brave, my hands sold me out. They were all shaky and trembling.

Probably a bad idea, standing so close to him. Damn it, I couldn't control my scattered thoughts. His close proximity made my body lose all sense of control. I watched his lips, as they poured out his words on me. How I wanted him to continue talking. God what was wrong with me? This guy abused me. I should have been reporting him to the police.

"I'm tired of telling you over and over again that I didn't do anything to you. I only changed your clothes so you could sleep comfortably. But then, since you have this idea that I fucked you, go ahead and fantasize about the feeling that you can still recall. But know this.”

Hellzel’s tone was serious, and he squeezed my hands slightly to tell me that what he was about to say was very important.

"Even if I wanted to fuck you, I'd never do it without your consent. My game is better than that. I could never stoop so low." And with those words, he let go of my hands and opened the door, leaving me feeling like a total loser.

If he didn't take advantage of me, then why'd he strip me of my clothes?

"Oh, one more thing Lay.” Hellzel stood in the doorway, his figure a silhouette in the light.

"You should take a look at your phone, and soon. It was blowing up with messages from your mother.”

With those words, my body went into full-on panic mode. I felt bile rising up my throat as my skin started to burn. My stomach twisted into a thousand knots as I walked closer to the bed.

My mother never sent messages to me. She always called or ask Jackie to text me with her phone instead. Hopefully they were just voicemails, but there was only one way to confirm my assumption.

I quickly grabbed my phone from where it was lying on the bedside table and opened my phone, hoping against hope that Hellboy was wrong.

My hands trembled when I saw three messages from MUM. The hope that I still had quickly transformed to dread. I opened the messages as I as read them, I felt my heart shatter even more.

MUM: There’s no better way for you to disrespect me than to sleep outside of home.

MUM: Don kept visiting to see if you had come back. He’s worried sick about you while you don’t even care about his feelings. Why? Lay, why would you do this to me? It’s killing me!

MUM: You know what? Don't even bother coming back home. Forget you ever had a mother and a family because from today and onwards, you are forever banned to call me mother or to come back home.

As I read the last message, my body went numb. There was no way I’d ever recover from this.

I curled into a tight ball on the bed, clutching my phone tightly to my chest. Tears streamed silently down my face as I checked my phone again to make sure the texts were real. My body began to shake uncontrollably, wracked by sobs. The only thing that I could feel was the sharp stabbing pain in my heart as it fractured into a million pieces. 

There was no way my mum would ever disown me because of a man. She’s my mum. She’s supposed to love me unconditionally, or so I thought.

I suddenly felt a warm hand hold onto my shoulder in an attempt to stop my trembling. When that didn’t work, Hellzel scooped me up and held me in his arms, sitting on the edge of the bed.

I heard his silky smooth voice penetrate my sadness, asking me to stop crying, please, for him. One of his hands rubbed my back methodically as the other held me close to him. I relaxed slightly to his touch, my shoulders drooping downwards as he rubbed circular patterns on my back. I clutched at his shirt, pulling him closer to me. Throwing my arms around his neck, I pressed my tear-stained face into his shirt.

All this time he held me without saying a word. His presence did more than what any words could ever do to soothe my broken heart.

The writhing pain in my chest continued to hurt as I was hit by the realization that I didn’t have a home to go to, or even a sister to hold me close while I was breaking. Everything and everyone that ever meant anything to me, all gone in a blink of an eye.

I couldn’t deal with this anymore.

I was so, so tired.

I snuggled even closer to Hellzel, letting his warmth and the rhythmic sound of his heartbeat take me away from my problems, even if it was only temporary. In a few seconds, I was fast asleep.

A/N
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