Hearts, Scars & Horseshoes

Chapter 18 - Faith

I blew out a breath, shaking my head at myself. I couldn't believe this was happening. But mostly I couldn't believe I was about to walk out of my room in the jeans and crop top I bought with Tori. That was if I could actually get myself to leave. I had been pacing my floor, stopping momentarily here and there to check myself over in the mirror on my vanity. It looked alright, I think. I definitely wasn't wearing those awful Bermuda shorts that I was wearing when I met Toby. In fact, those shorts needed to find their way to the trash so that never happened again. I raked my long hair out of my face, if I didn't leave now I would most definitely be late, as it was I was probably going to be 5 minutes late. Toby had offered to come pick me up but I insisted it wasn't necessary. First the park was 20 minutes away, I was guessing it was near where he lived. Secondly I wasn't going to explain my sudden change in wardrobe to my parents just as a boy my parents didn't know picked me up. It had been much easier to tell them I was going to bible study and then to a movie with Tori and I'd be home later. I wasn't even going to think about how lying was getting increasingly easier.

"It is what it is Faith." I muttered, grabbing my jean jacket and my keys.

I closed my door behind me slowly, the door snapped into place, mirroring Elijah's door. I straightened my spine, lifting my head as though I was confident and not completely unsure of myself and marched out into the living room.

"I'll see you guys later." I announced to my parents, hoping they wouldn't bother to lift their heads.

But isn't that how it always go. The day you don't want them to notice you is the day they seem to notice only you.

"That's a cute outfit." My mom chimed. "Is it new?"

I nodded. "Tori picked it out."

"Are you sure that's appropriate for bible study?" My dad asked.

"Oh she's fine Andrew. It's in style. Don't you see what half of the girls show up in for church?"

I was silently thanking my mom. If my mom drew the line in the sand you'd better believe no one stepped over that line.

My dad shrugged his shoulders, returning to the news that flashed across the screen. "What do I know, I'm just a man."

My mom smiled back at me. "You look good. Have fun. Tell Tori we said hi."

"I will. Love you."

And I was out the door. I wasn't about to linger. I bit my lip nervously as I turned my car engine over. I couldn't believe I was doing this. I was going on a date. A real date. What could possibly go wrong?

                            —————————

Well it wasn't that everything went wrong. Just a few huge but also very minor things. Like how I pulled into the park parking lot almost twenty minutes late. Tobias was sitting on the dropped tailgate of his truck, Edward Cullen curled up next to him, his big block head in his lap. He was staring down, his legs swinging back and forth slowly. Enough cars must have come and gone because he didn't bother looking up at the sound of my tires across the gravel.

Or how I then preceded to slip in mud and accidentally pulled Toby down with me. We both had dried mud up our pants.

Or how we left the picnic Toby had brought with Edward Cullen sleeping in the grass so we could go stick our bare feet in the river. Well we thought he was sleeping. Turns out he wasn't. Also turns out he really loves PB&J sandwiches.

Luckily Edward Cullen didn't like fruit either that or he had filled up on sandwiches.  I folded my legs, sitting as gracefully as I possibly could even though half of me was covered in dried mud that was now flaking off my jeans. Toby had brought a quilt that looked far too nice to be for a picnic for us to sit on. We had the bowl of fruit between us, I watched as his long boney fingers selected a strawberry before he popped it in his mouth. He was watching his dog sniff around, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Sorry he ate the sandwiches." Toby apologized again. "He's a fatty."

I had already told him that it was fine. Really it was. I was still so nervous I wasn't sure I'd be able to eat. Every time Toby's green eyes met mine my stomach fluttered and I forgot myself for a moment. Why hadn't anyone warned me that was real? I mean I had read it in books, saw it movies, but never had I heard of it being actually something that happened in real life.

"I told you it's fine." I grabbed a piece of watermelon, my heart pounding through my chest. Toby hadn't made any mention of us seeing each other again. Even though the date had been a slight mishap the entire time I still thought we were having fun. At least I was. I had never navigated this territory, what exactly was the correct approach? Did I wait to see if he asked? Did I ask? Was it just assumed?

"So I..." Toby started just as I said "I was thinking..."

Toby laughed softly, turning to look at me, his forearms still resting on his bent knees. His green eyes locking with mine, seeming to read my thoughts like an open book. It still made me slightly unnerved, I didn't want him to see how broken I was.

"Go ahead." He told me.

I had to look away, my heart still thumping in my chest as my nerves grew. Was I really going to be the type of girl that asks a guy out?

"Well I was going to say..." I took a deep breath, steeling myself for any and all reactions, good or bad. "Looks like you owe me a dinner still."

I couldn't completely commit to asking him out. I wasn't brave enough.

"Oh damn." He said, causing me too look up at him horrified. "How unlucky of me, I get to take a beautiful and intelligent girl out for dinner." His face cracked a smile as he nudged me with his shoulder. "I definitely owe you dinner. Eddy's not invited this time."

A tense laugh barked out of me as I went from panic to relief and then back to panic again. I had a second date. That was a first. The first date was a first. I was having a lot of firsts.

"This was probably the worst date you've ever been on, huh?" Toby asked, he shifted, our shoulders brushing against each other until they settled side by side.

He was so close, was I sweating? Were my jeans hiding my muffin top? Did my breath smell? Was I losing my mind? Yes. Yes I was. I took a deep breath. He was just a boy.

A very nice and incredibly attractive boy.

That I had a second date with.

"It isn't the worst." I told him.

He laughed. "Were we on the same date? My dog ate our 5 star meal."

I laughed, I couldn't even hold it in. When the realization hit us that Edward Cullen had ate all the sandwiches we both just stopped in our tracks. Tobias muttered something before glancing at me and I was losing my composure. I could see the laughter spark in his eyes and the next thing I knew we were both in a full on laugh till you're silent fit. It took us several minutes to calm down, both of us still suffering from random outbreaks of hysteria.

"You also fell in mud." Toby added, shaking his head. "Definitely the worst."

"The best." I told him.

Because even though it was my first and only date. I hadn't laughed like that in months. I felt lighter, I felt like it was easier to breath, I felt like a piece of me was trying to find it's way back into my fragmented soul.

It was the best.