Hearts, Scars & Horseshoes

Chapter 78 - Faith

I was engulfed into the white mess that was Tori's unmade bed as I fell into it. We spent the morning together at the mall. Tori of course said she had nothing to wear and she wanted to make sure she looked cute for Mark the next time they hung out. So after several hours at the mall we lugged her multiple bags of clothes up to her room in dire need of food. 

Tori emerged in the doorway, a tray full of sandwiches and bottles of water. She settled it onto the bed next to me before grabbing one for herself.

"I'm so excited about that shirt I got." She said, her words muffled from a mouthful of food.

I nodded my head in agreement. She'd been talking about it ever since she found it on the rack earlier.

"You know, it's going to be so fun with both of dating guys that are friends. Ya know what I mean?" She asked.

I smiled, my mind shifting to Toby. I didn't really care who was there as long as I was with Toby. But it was a nice bonus that it was my best friend.

"Yeah. So are you guys like official?" I uncapped a bottle of water, washing down my sandwich with it.

Tori shrugged, which was all she needed to do. "Not yet. But I think I'm okay. He's not like the other guys."

"How so?"

A soft smile fell on her lips as she stared at the sandwich in her hands.

"He doesn't play games. Like Luke only showed interest when he was bored or he thought I had moved on. Chase was just constantly hot and cold. Awesome when we saw each other but when we weren't it was like he forgot all about me. But Mark..." She said dreamily. "Mark texts me in the morning and at night. He tells me he misses me. I don't know. He notices me."

She shook her head, her long brown hair cascading over her shoulder piece by piece.

"I sound ridiculous I know. But I think I really like him Faith."

"Well that's good." As long as it wasn't Luke I wasn't going to complain.

"I mean, he's like the farthest thing from my type, but maybe that's a good thing. Plus my parents already aren't sure about him which kind of makes it fun. He's like my bad boy." She let out a laugh. "Who knew I'd be interested in a smoking, tattooed, foul-mouthed atheist."

The old Faith would have balked at the word atheist, completely baffled that there were people out there that one hundred percent didn't believe. But the new Faith felt like maybe she understood.

"I didn't know he had tattoos." I commented.

Tori nodded her head, chewing as she mumbled. "Under his clothes."

Before I could think better of it I asked, "you've seen him naked?"

My eyes were probably bulging out of my head. I wasn't entirely sure if Tori had ever had sex, it wouldn't really surprise me either way, but for some reason I was having a hard time wrapping my head around her already getting naked with Mark.

"No. Well not completely." Tori said. "But I have seen him with his shirt off."

I mouthed a quiet "oh", returning to the sandwich I was still eating. What was the timeline for that sort of thing? Toby and I were still stealing innocent kisses. Only a hand full of "make out sessions" had been added to the list. Should we have been moving faster? Especially because I had told him I loved him?

"Does Toby have any?" Tori asked.

I shook my head no before realizing that he very well could have tattoos hidden underneath his shirt. I'd never seen him shirtless and he'd never offered it up either.

"At least I don't think so. He's never taken his shirt off."

"What? You mean...even when you're like...fooling around?" She licked some mayo off her finger.

I shrugged, trying to convince myself that we were the norm when it came to relationships and not the other way around. Why couldn't we go slow? Why did we have to take our clothes off to fool around? Why did we have to fool around in the first place? I wasn't sure I was ready to be that exposed. To let Toby really see me and all my baby fat that I was beginning to think wasn't actually baby fat and was just fat that I'd never outgrow.

"Thats crazy." Tori said. "I bet he does, he's ripped."

He was. I knew that much. I could feel the definition of his muscles through his shirt.

"Ask him if he has any and if he says yes say you want to see him. That's how I got Mark to take his shirt off." She said.

It wasn't that I didn't want to see Toby shirtless. I bet it was a sight. But it felt like such a step. And I liked where we were, how we were. He seemed happy too. At least I hoped.

"Eventually he's going to want more, they all do." Tori added as if she was reading my thoughts.

Tori's phone buzzed from its spot beside her, thankfully putting an end to the conversation. Her face lit up as her fingers danced across the screen. It was probably Mark. She only smiled like that when the guy she was into was paying her attention.  I couldn't blame her really. I probably looked the same way when Toby was texting me.

"Mark said Perrin's having everyone over next week. Has Tobias texted you?" She asked, her eyes not leaving her phone.

I wasn't sure if he had, my phone was in my purse and my purse was on the couch in Tori's living room.

"He said I could stay there with him. Maybe we can tell our parents we are sleeping at Becca's."

"I don't think Becca would go for that. And what if our parents ask them at church?" I could feel anxiety already rising within me in anticipation of being caught.

"Paisley?"

"Same thing. All our parents are friends. It's bound to come up." What did sleeping over mean? Was it just that, sleeping? Or was it more than that? Was I ready for it to be more than that? "Besides I'm pretty sure Becca and Paisley are mad at you."

"What? Why?" She finally tore her eyes away from the text conversation she was having.

"Because you've been busy with Mark."

The old Faith would have never brought it up. She would have just sat back and let the three of them figure it out. But as it turns out new Faith didn't care if a riff started plus it derailed the natural flow of the conversation we were having onto more neutral ground. At least for me.

"That's ridiculous, I have not." She argued.

I shrugged, trying to ignore the voice in my head that was telling me to stop. That I was stirring the pot. "Well when I saw them the other day they sure had some stuff to say about you."

"Please! Becca is always busy with Joel and you and I both know once Paisley's cleared to start training again she'll be too busy for anything that isn't gymnastics." Tori ranted.

"Just wanted to give you a heads up before you asked for a favor." I took the last bite of my sandwich.

I felt a little bad.

But I needed Tori on a topic that wasn't about Toby and I and the fact that we hadn't take our clothes off yet and the possibility that we could be sleeping over at Perrin's next weekend. Part of me wanted to, I could at least admit that. Maybe that was more new Faith. A little bold, a little rebellious. But old Faith was hanging on for dear life and everything that had been drilled into me my entire life was ringing out, demanding my attention, demanding that I listen to it. I didn't know which Faith would win. And I wasn't sure which one I wanted to either.

                                  ————————

Well this took me forever.