Hearts, Scars & Horseshoes

Chapter 38 - Faith

My phone buzzed in my hand. Tori had been texting me relentlessly ever since I told her about Toby saying he liked me. I had waited until the next day while we were at school. She could tell something was up the minute she saw me and really I wasn't trying that hard to hide the elation I was feeling. It felt nice to feel happy for a change and I wanted to ride that feeling for as long as I could. I was sitting cross legged on the couch later that night, chunks of my blond hair falling out of the braid I had tied it into earlier in the day.

"Who's Toby?"

I glanced up startled, pressing my phone to my chest. My mom was hovering behind me clearly reading my conversation with Tori.

"He's just a friend." I answered, feeling instantly annoyed.

"Where'd you meet him?" She asked.

I locked my phone not bothering to answer Tori back. "At the Grounds."

She walked around the edge of the couch so she was facing me. "Does he go to our church?"

I could have lied. Maybe I should have too. But years of being told lying was a sin had me shaking my head.

"No he doesn't go to church."

She breezed over it like it was no big deal. My eyes darted to my dad, if he was listening he hadn't let on yet.

"How long have you known him?" She asked, her strawberry blond hair was cut into a blunt bob that made her angular face all that more angular. She had cut it a month after Elijah died, without a word or hint otherwise. She didn't look like my mom anymore.

I glanced over at the recliner my dad was lounged in. He had taken interest in our conversation.

"A week or two." I said with a shrug.

"And you haven't mentioned him?"

"No I haven't." I said matter of factly.

"Why not?" She folded her arms across her chest, shifting her weight to one foot as she waited an answer.

I stood up from the couch, a tiny ball of anger and irritation. I wasn't exactly sure where my hostility was coming from but it was bubbling out of me and I didn't know how to put it out.

"Because I didn't realize you had to know every single person I came across throughout the day." I snapped.

"Watch your tone." My dad warned.

"I think I can speak for your dad as well, we'd like to meet him if you're going to be spending time with him." My mom said.

I rolled my eyes. "You've got to be kidding me, you know other kids are allowed to have friends without their parents screening them first."

"Faith Christine knock it off." My dad hissed from his chair.

"You're both being ridiculous!" I shouted.

My dad shifted in his chair about to stand. That's how I knew I found the line and took a giant leap past it. I was definitely in trouble. I looked to my mom, hoping she'd rescue me while I tried to swallow the anger that was still boiling inside me.

"Andrew, sit." She told my dad, her hand outstretched toward him. She turned to me, her blue-gray eyes narrowed and annoyed. "Faith you are not "other kids" you are our kid and as your parents we would like to meet him. Invite him to church Sunday."

I didn't want to invite Tobias to church. I didn't want to introduce him to my parents, to Simon, to our broken, sad family. I didn't want to share him. I didn't want to have to pretend like the old Faith around Tobias. I wanted to be the new Faith, the one that had the interest of a boy, who flirted, who wore cute outfits and let people see her broken soul, the one that talked about Elijah.

Instead I'd have to be the old Faith, the one that was desperate for someone to see how broken she had become, but knew that no one ever would.

I nodded my head, knowing better than to argue. "I'll go call him."

It was the first time I wasn't excited to have an excuse to talk to Toby. First off, there was everything I listed above. Secondly, I wasn't sure he'd say yes. And thirdly, it was going to be crazy awkward. I knew he said he liked me but that didn't mean we were boyfriend and girlfriend, right? And this seemed like a very boyfriend girlfriend thing.

My mom dismissed me with a nod of her head and I tucked tail and hurried down the hallway thankful for her mercy. I closed my door behind me, letting out a frustrated sigh. It was awful. 100% embarrassing. And I knew my parents well enough to know I had no way out of it. If he didn't come this Sunday, they'd just keep asking to meet him. I pulled my phone out, my heart starting to pound in my chest as my nerves grew. I pressed on his name, holding the phone to my ear as I paced nervously around my room. It rang three times before he picked up.

"Hello?" It always took me by surprise how deep his voice was.

"Hi, Toby. It's...it's Faith." I cringed at how nervous I sounded.

"Hey." I heard the smile in his voice, my face matching it. "What's up?"

"Um well." I started, I couldn't believe I was about to do this. "Okay so I'm just going to apologize first, it's going to sound crazy and I don't know but well I was wondering if you would like to go to church with me on Sunday?"

I don't know if I had ever talked so fast before in my life. All I knew was I needed to get the words out as fast as possible or I was going to implode. I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for his hesitated answer.

"Sure." He said slowly.

"Really?" My eyes snapped open in surprise.

He must have heard my obvious surprise clear as day because he laughed. It was a quiet, deep laugh that I bet reverberated in his chest.

"Yeah, really." He sounded sure of himself. "I'd like that."

"Okay, cool, um so church is at 9. Do you need the address?" I asked.

I suddenly felt giddy. It was like this happy bubbly feeling that started in my chest and went all the way to my fingers and toes. I wanted to dance or scream or laugh. Instead I bit my lip, spinning a circle.

"I can google it." He told me. "So 9 in the morning on Sunday?"

"Yup, 9 in the morning on Sunday." I confirmed.

"Perfect, I guess I'll see you then."

"I guess you will." My cheeks started cramping from my wide smile.

"Is it uh, like something I need to wear a suit for?" He asked.

I laughed through my nose. "No, but wear something nice."

"So are jeans fine?"

"Just wear something nice." I repeated.

Even if he showed up in shorts and a muscle shirt it wouldn't matter. He'd look crazy out of place but it wouldn't technically matter.

"Alright, so wear something nice, Sunday at 9." He said.

"Correct."

"See you Sunday."

"See you Sunday." I repeated.

"Bye Faith."

"Goodbye Tobias."

I hung up the phone, partially because that's what you do after you say goodbye but mostly because my heart was running a marathon, I felt like screaming into a pillow and I was beginning to panic about what I was going to wear on Sunday.

It wasn't that I was expecting Toby to fall in love with me. Yeah it would be nice but I couldn't even get used to the idea that he even said he liked me. I loved it but I still thought maybe it was a dream. And as hard as it was I was trying not to get too excited about it just incase he changed his mind. I was failing it too but I Could you blame me? I mean I was me. And he was him. And he was gorgeous and I was just me. I'd never had a boyfriend. He probably had plenty of girlfriends. And besides all that, we had just met basically. But I couldn't help the butterflies that had invaded my stomach. And for the first time in 3 months I was excited to go to church on Sunday.