Hearts, Scars & Horseshoes

Chapter 50 - Faith

I only had two more days of this horrendous uniform and then I was home free for the summer. I jammed the untucked end of the white polo I was wearing into my waistband before grabbing my bag. Shifting my bag on my shoulder, I slammed my locker shut, only to be stopped by a large mass otherwise known as Luke.

"Hi Luke." I said indifferently.

"Hey Faith, hows it going?" He asked, shoving himself off the locker he was leaned against.

I started walking down the hallway, my sole intent to get out of the building. Luke fell instep beside me.

"I'm fine, how are you?"

I could already feel that prickle of annoyance flair up inside me at having to go through the pleasantries. I didn't hate Luke. Not entirely. He had always been nice to me. But I really didn't like him for how he treated Tori. The old Faith was able to mask the distaste for him well. The new Faith sort of wanted to slap him. And I was constantly battling between the two wills.

"Good." He scratched at his neck as we walked. "So, I gotta ask, is Tori seeing someone?"

I blew out a breath, a piece of my blond hair flying. He had to ask. I wanted to roll myself right there but instead I told myself to take a deep breath. To try and cling to old Faith's ways. I didn't need to make enemies. I didn't need to hurt people just because I was hurting. Even if that was the only thing I ever felt like doing.

"Yes, she is."  I told him.

I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye. "Is it serious?"

I stopped, Luke stopping with me. Deep breath, rational, right? I could do that.

"Listen Luke. He seems like a nice guy and Tori is really happy with him. So could you just do her a favor and stop playing games." I said.

"I'm not playing games."

Luke was definitely good looking with his tan muscles and his brown meticulously cut hair and his big brown eyes that sort of just made you want to melt against your will. It was made all the worse by his charming smile and good nature that was always present. It was really no wonder why Tori was in love with him. But he knew he was attractive, he knew he was charming. And he used it all for his own benefit. What kind of best friend would I be if I sat there and continued to let my best friend fall victim to such a boy? It had gone on long enough and the new Faith wasn't going to stand for it.

I rolled my eyes, that bit of anger that was always lingering just under the surface boiled up and old Faith was shoved out of the way.

"You're a jerk Luke. You're not serious about Tori and it's complete crap that you've been leading her on for basically forever." I snapped looking up at Luke's towering frame. "Go find someone else to screw up, you've done enough damage to Tori already."

I hooked my thumbs around the straps of my backup, easing some of the pressure on my shoulders before I pivoted and left Luke standing there. The look of shock was hard to miss on his face and so was my pounding heartbeat and the bit of satisfaction I had gotten from telling him off. I shouldn't have been satisfied.

I shoved through the doors of the school, sunshine warming my skin as I made a beeline for my car. I was sort of half expecting Luke to rush out after me, yelling this or that. It was sort of that perfect drama moment in all the movies. But he wasn't out there by the time I reached my car so I clambered in, dropping my bag on the passenger seat. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I navigated to Tori's thread.

Me: I just told Luke he was jerk.

Her response came seconds later.

Tori: what!why?

I thought about giving her the play by play. But I also wasn't sure if she'd be mad at me. Luke was this giant soft spot in her heart and no matter how many times he made her cry she always forgave him.

Me: because you weren't ever going to.

I hit send before I could second guess my words and pocketed my phone. I didn't want to know what her response was, not yet. If she was mad, ignoring her for a few hours would give her time to cool down. To see that I was actually right. That even though it wasn't kind, it came from a place of love.

I turned the key in the ignition of my car, the engine humming, the radio playing softly in the background. I always had it set to the local Christian station. The old Faith used to sing along like the words had meaning, that there was in fact a being on the receiving end of my endless worship.

I felt rage erupt from the center of my soul, bursting out of me in the form of a scream. It was the type of anger that blinds you, it overwhelms and consumes you, forcing that it be felt, that it be heard. Tears sprung into my eyes as the pain ripped through me. Pain and anger I'd been trying to suppress, to deal with quietly. I slammed my hand down on the dial of the radio, silencing the music. Hearing it only increased my rage. It made me feel even more alone. Forgotten. Abandoned.

Why had I trusted so easily? For so long?

I slammed my fists against my steering wheel again and again. My fingers cramping from clenching them so hard, pain stinging through my hands. It didn't seem to matter how hard I hit, how loud I screamed, how much I cried, there was no relief.

Why did I let myself believe in some imaginary force?

The only thing it had done for me was leave me broken hearted, alone and without my best friend.

I slumped back against my seat, my chest heaving, pieces of my hair stuck to the tears that were still falling down my cheeks. I wiped at my face, my head forming a dull ache in my temples. I blew out a shaky breath, turning the radio back on. Soft music once again filled my car but I changed the station. I couldn't listen to it anymore.

I couldn't keep pretending that I was still the same Faith. Only fragments of her existed.

                               ———————

Well this chapter came along a lot faster.  Thankfully.