Hearts, Scars & Horseshoes

Chapter 26 - Faith

My hair was flying everywhere. It never was like in the movies when the girl's hair is perfectly blown back in the wind as they speed across the highway. Nope, my hair was in my mouth, covering my eyes, out the window, standing up, I didn't even know. I had tried to find a spot where it wasn't blowing in the wind wildly but I couldn't find it. I gave it about 5 minutes before I wrestled it into a low braid.

I tucked the few pieces that fell from the braid behind my ear, silently thanking myself for grabbing a hair tie at the last minute. Between the noise of Toby's truck and the wind, there was no room left for talking. I actually found myself preferring it that way. I was a nervous mess and trying desperately to remind myself that he was just a boy. But every few minutes I'd feel his gorgeous emerald eyes glance at me and my cheeks would burn and I'd suddenly get self-conscious.

I was still working through the whole idea that this was in fact happening. Not only had I been on one date but now two.

I still felt like it might be a dream. And I was still trying not to get my hopes up.

Because even though I kept telling myself Tobias was just a boy, that I was ridiculous for even being slightly smitten, the truth of the matter was, I was.

And when I took a step back, it didn't really surprise me. He was very attractive in his own charmingly confidant but still slightly awkward way. But even without all that he honestly had me with those emerald green eyes that seemed to look right into my broken soul.

I looked over at Tobias, the angles in his jaw sharp as he concentrated on driving. I wondered what his story was. What had happened to make those green eyes of his look so lost?

I liked the way he kept his brown hair short on the sides and long on top. The top was flying wildly in the wind but he didn't seem to notice or maybe he just didn't care. He had a pair of gray jeans on and black plain T-shirt. It was the world's simplest outfit the only thing more basic, a pair of jeans and a white T-shirt, but he looked way too good. Too good to be interested in me or at least that's what I would have said normally.

Toby looked over, an easy smile on his face. I smiled back, feeling my face blush knowing I got caught staring at him. My heart beat a little harder in my chest as I looked away. He pulled the truck off toward an exit, the wind dying as we decelerated. I knew the exit. Not because I visited the city frequently but because this was the exit we took to get to the hospital that Elijah died at. I felt that crack in my soul widen as my mind flashed back to that night.

It was dark, freezing cold. It was late February, the 23rd to be exact, there was snow-mud on the ground from the last time it got warm enough to melt the snow a little but not so warm it actually disappeared. The sky was black and super clear. I found it strange that my mind had decided to remember that but I remembered looking up at the pitch black sky with its little grains of sparkling light and praying my heart out. I prayed and I begged that God would save Elijah and Simon. We hadn't been told anything other than they were in a bad car accident. We hadn't been told then that Elijah was already brain dead.

"Everything okay?" Toby's voice split through my memories sending me flying back to the bench seat of his old truck.

I was about to force a smile on my face, the smile that I wore so often now because Elijah was gone and a taboo topic. But then I stopped, my eyes locking with his green ones.

"I haven't been here since Elijah died." I told him.

I knew it probably wasn't true for everyone but talking about Elijah hurt less than not talking about him.

"Should we go somewhere else?" Tobias asked.

We were stopped at a red light, a party store the back drop behind Tobias. It wasn't that I was avoiding this area. I didn't really come here often. But I had expected to feel overwhelmed with sadness when I finally did return. I was surprised and relieved to realize that I was void of both of those feelings.

"No, it'll be nice to have some new memories of here." I decided.

I felt the tug of a smile on my face. A real one, not one forced but one that was genuine, unexpected, and warmed my body to the bone.

Toby smiled, the dimple in his left cheek appearing. "I need those too."

Just as he said the last word he turned back to the road. I wanted to ask him what he meant but the noise of the truck working to accelerate filled the cab, Toby's concentration back on the road as he navigated the busy city streets. Did he just need new memories? Or did he need new memories of here? What was he trying to replace with new memories?

I stared at him for way too long, studying the angles of his face and the way the wind whipped through his hair. He didn't look like a boy who had struggled hard or had already weathered a difficult path. I turned to stare at my reflection in the side mirror. The sun bounced off my blond hair making it look nearly white, my skin milky white. I held my gaze, staring into my sad gray eyes. I wondered if everyone else could see how broken I was or if I looked like just another young kid, untouched by the devastation that is known as life.

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I'm having a hard time staying focused on writing. And I don't really have a good excuse. I have a handful of reasons but mostly I've just been playing some dumb game on my phone because it's mindless and sometimes (all the time) my brain wants quiet. But anyway, I finally told myself to knock it the F off and write this chapter. I did no such proofreading. I'm tired and lazy. - DBR