Hearts, Scars & Horseshoes

Chapter 89 - Toby

I slammed the door to my truck shut, the cab already sweltering hot under the sun. I wiped at my face hastily, my breathing ragged. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I started the obnoxious process of starting my truck. I wasn't in the mood for it. I just wanted to turn the key and have the damn truck start so I could drive away.

I called Stella.

She answered the phone just as my truck rattled to life. I dropped it into reverse, gunning it backward out of the driveway.

"Hey loser, what's up?" Stella greeted happily.

"I fucked up, I fucked everything up. She hates me Stella."

"What happened?" Her voice serious instantly.

"Perrin told her last night. On accident, I guess, I mean I didn't tell him not to say anything but then she asked me this morning. I was gonna tell her today, fucking today, and he beat me to it. And she hates me." I had tears in my eyes again, my words choppy and distorted.

"She doesn't hate you Toby." Stella said.

"Yes she does." She had to, I hated me. "What am I gonna do Stella?" I asked, my voice nothing but a whisper. "I love her."

"I know you do. It's going to be okay. Just give her some time."

"But what if time isn't enough? What if I messed this up beyond repair?" I knew Stella didn't have the answers but I asked her anyway.

"It'll be enough." She said it with so much conviction I almost believed her. "Do you want me to come home? I can be there in an hour."

"No, I don't know...maybe." I mumbled, rubbing my face on my sleeve as I drove.

As soon as I walked in the door my parents would know something was up. There was no hiding the fact that I'd been balling a baby. And even though this was my mess, my fault, Stella always seemed to know how to explain me more than I did.

"I'll be there an hour, okay?" She said, taking my maybe for a definitive yes.

"Do you think mom and dad are gonna be pissed at me?"

I wasn't sure I could handle anyone else mad at me for the moment. I was aware I had pissed off Lars this morning too. I couldn't remember the last time he was mad at me.

"No." She didn't sound as confident as before. "I think they'll understand."

I nodded my head, already deciding my fate was sealed when I got home. I'd get the "we're disappointed in you speech" which in all honesty is worse than them just being pissed. I hadn't meant to disappoint anyone.

"Are you almost home?" Stella asked.

"Yeah."

"I'll be there soon."

We both hung up the phone as I pulled down our street. I was going to have to open the door everyday and see Drogo. Which fucking sucked because in the short time I had him I'd already fallen in love with him too but every time I saw him all I thought about was Faith.

I rested my forehead on my steering wheel, cutting the engine as my truck puttered quiet. I grabbed my phone, knowing full well she wouldn't answer but I had to try.

I got her voicemail, it didn't even ring.

"Faith, please." I mumbled into the phone. "Please let me explain. I know I messed up. I should have told you. I'm sorry. Please just call me back. I love you."

I knew she wouldn't.

I looked up at my house, I didn't really want to go in there. I didn't want to have to repeat myself, explain yet again what I did. How stupid I was. Why couldn't there be a rewind button. That day at The Grounds I should have just blurted it out. What was the worst that could have happened then? I didn't know Faith enough to love her then. If she walked away from me, it probably wouldn't have matter. Or better yet maybe I could just go back to when I got the stupid letter in the first place. I could have done things by the book. Saved everyone a whole lot of heartache.