self pleasure

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i wish i could not feel used every time i talk to someone
i wish i didn't have to worry
i wish i never had trust issues
i wish i could believe things people tell me
sometimes people tell the truth and i cant tell
then they get upset with me
that also ruins relationships i have with people
i cant do it
its just impossible for me to have any interaction in anything or with anyone without me getting some kind of upset
im unstable
im not worthy enough to have that kind of responsibility
i cant take care of someone else
thats why i depend on someone
i need that someone
not just to make me happy
but help me , and guide me from bad thoughts that tear me apart
i need him.
no one understands.
im most comfortable with him
he doesn't irritate me in any way
he doesn't do anything wrong
he knows me well and best
i want him.
i get tired of everyone eventually
i dont know why
i lose interest
i havent in him
i dont feel the need to
he feels perfect for me
like a puzzle piece.
i dont want anything else
i wish it could just be me and him against the world
hold hands and be by our selves
then i would be happy
i know because i spent a very short time with someone who reminded me of him and it felt like i was in a dream
and i was happy
in that moment
all because i felt like i was with him
i felt secure
like i do when i talk to him
i drop everything
my mind goes blank
im in love with him
i have been for 2-3 years
it hasn't changed

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