Lose Control

2

I hide in my room all night, going over every moment in my head. I even wake up the next morning still thinking about it. That was such a strange experience. Honestly though I'm relieved that it was masturbation. I feel like it somewhat broke me into it. I don't know how I would've reacted to seeing full on intercourse. But I guess I'll have to eventually.

I look down and turn on my phone, a few notifications on the screen. One was a text from Ryan, a text from my brother and an instagram request to follow me. I look closer at the user name and a flutter goes through me as I recognize Kellin's name. I go into it and accept, following back. I click on his account and my jaw drops as I see that he has 476K followers. I have like 600. Fuck. That's embarrassing. Wait...why do I want to impress him so much anyway?

His profile picture is just a white background with him sitting half cross legged in just a robe, an arm on his upright knee and hand in his hair. His feed is all professional photography and let's just say, he's a model. Each one has this unreal mixture of fashion and provocativeness; it's pure art. Who is this guy? His bio is one word: califonia all lowercase with a small black palm tree emoji. Below it is his public snapchat and a business email. Of course, I immediately add him on my personal snapchat.

I sigh and sit up, opening Ryan's message. I chuckle lightly as I read: Heard about Kellin hahaha I guess you're not such a troll doll after all.

He had called me cute. The reminder makes me smile.

I then pull myself from the bed and trudge off to the bathroom. After I relieve myself and brush my teeth I do my morning skincare routine. I rub my eyes, hating how tired I always am in the morning.

I walk in a zombie-like way to the kitchen, my eyes half closed. My hand instinctively reaches out to where the coffee pot sits and my heart stops as my hand hits something firm and warm. I only then realize my eyes are fully closed. They immediately snap open and I practically jump out of my skin as I recognize Kellin sitting on the counter in front of me. I spot the smile on his face and my hand on his chest before instantly dropping it. What the hell is he doing here? And why is he suddenly everywhere?

"Uh, sorry," I mumble, backing up. "Hi."

"Hey, Sleepy," he replies, the smile on his face becoming more smug. I then hear Ryan's loud laughter from behind me and turn to see him standing at the stove crying.

"What the fuck just happened?" he asks, still laughing loudly.

"Stop," I say in a whiney voice. He keeps laughing and rolls his eyes, turning back to whatever he was cooking.

"What are you doing here?" I ask Kellin, reaching around him and pouring myself coffee.

"I invited him," Ryan answers.

"What are you doing here? Ryan is there something you aren't telling me?" Kellin asks, scanning me up and down. I then realize I'm standing in front of my boss in nothing but track pants.

"Uh, I live here," I reply, attempting an explanation. He raises an eyebrow, his gaze turning to Ryan again.

"Ryan what the hell!? You're supposed to tell me when you ask people to move in!"

"Oh, no it's not like-"

"Yeah right," Ryan says, rolling his eyes. "He's straight."

My sexuality had never really come up and I'd only ever brought home girls, so the assumption isn't a surprise.

Kellin gives me a look of disbelief. I knew he felt it yesterday. I'm fucking mortified.

"I'm bi actually," I tell them, unable to look either person in the eye.