Lose Control

18

The next shoot comes around and I find myself excited. I'm so curious as to how Kellin's been and now I'll finally get closure and hopefully find some peace. Instead, the complete opposite happens.

As soon as I walk through the door, I hear an unfamiliar voice. I don't think much of it, assuming it's just an actor I haven't met yet. I walk into the production room and stop in my tracks as some guy pulls Kellin in by his waist and kisses him. All the air leaves my lungs as I see Kellin smile into it. I feel like I'm about to throw up any second, and quickly back out of the room. I lean against the wall, not even realizing that I'm not breathing. It's his boyfriend, my mind tells me. It's like my worst nightmare. But I'm supposed to be happy about it, aren't I? I mean, I want the best for him. But I also want me to be the best for him. Except I'm not, and eventually I have to get over that.

After somewhat calming down, I reenter the room, Kellin's attention immediately landing on me. His boytoy is saying something about how good he looks and it hurts to finally understand that he might actually be good for him. He smiles at me slightly before turning back to whatshisface.

"I know, he's such a good photographer," Kellin says. It's a like bullet shoots through my heart. He'd already been to a shoot? Kellin had never taken me to a shoot, nor even shown me any photos. They're already closer than I ever was with him...and it fucking kills me.

"Anyway," he says, changing the topic. "Lance, this is my cameraman, Vic."

"Hey," I say, forcing a smile as he turns to me. I use the moment to take in his slightly muscular, tall form. He's blond and has the facial structure of a damn superhero. I could never compete with that, he's a clear winner in the looks department. But that's not surprising, I always knew Kellin deserved better than me. I should be glad that he finally found that.

"Nice to meet you," he says, reaching a hand out. I take it, trying to stop myself from punching him. I still haven't lost my protectiveness.

"Yeah, you too," I reply. "What's it like dating such a piece of work?" I ask jokingly, winking at Kellin and loving the way he rolls his eyes with a smile.

I asked it mostly as a test. I want to find out if he knows about us or not. I kind of hope he does... It might lead to trouble in their relationship. God dammit, I need to stop being so self-centred and just let them be happy.

Lance chuckles, glancing at Kellin briefly before replying, "I can't complain, have you seen his ass?"

Oh, I've seen his ass alright. I shake the forbidden thoughts from my head and force a laugh to cover my sadness. I miss his ass. I miss all of him. It kind of surprises me that Kellin didn't tell him our history.

Kellin rolls his eyes again, and I can't help but stare at him. I just want to kiss him. Is it normal to constantly want to kiss your ex? Probably not, but that's not stopping me from picturing the way his face scrunched up when we'd have sex. It doesn't stop me from glancing up and down his form and swooning as he laughs at something Lance had said. He's so fucking perfect. Lance doesn't deserve him.

I have to leave the room before I get too emotional, so I excuse myself to get the phone. I hoped the tension I was feeling would be released, but instead I find myself only growing angrier. Kellin's mine.

I hear the front door open on my way down the hall, looking back to see an actress scurrying to the production room. We'd worked with her before, calming me down. I'm always somewhat ecstatic when it's a girl too. Some of the people in this business are kind of crazy and weird.

When I get back to the production room, I'm surprised to see Lance sitting on a chair in the back corner. Is he really gonna watch the whole thing? I guess I can't blame him, but I hate that I have an audience. I don't know how these actors do it.