Lose Control

21

I wake up the next morning to a tickling nose. I can feel a warm body against my own and recognize the feeling as Kellin's hair in my face. I back my head away slightly and wrap an arm protectively around his waist.

I didn't even mean to sleep here. I remember rolling over after our second round and closing my eyes for only a moment. I had fully intended on leaving, but I guess I'd fallen asleep. I should probably get out of here in case Lance comes over and tries to repair things with Kellin. But, in all honesty, I couldn't move if I wanted to.

I lie there for a few minutes, accepting that it's a new day and the fact that I'm still alive. I take in everything that had happened last night. We fought, kissed, and then slept together...and he has a boyfriend...and I don't even feel guilty for it. I even spent the night with him! If Lance only knew. But I have a sinking suspicion Kellin won't leave him. I don't know where that leaves us, but I'm not a lucky enough person for them to break up. He won't choose me, those types of things just don't happen in my life.

The longer I lay there the more bored I get and my thoughts seem to slowly drift. I run my hand soothingly through his hair and feel this sudden, deep affection that I'd never felt before. I was somewhat intimidated just from its strength and abruptness. It was like...I don't know...there aren't words for a feeling like this. I'd never felt this for anyone...then it hits me. I'd already said this to him once before, but I didn't mean it then. Now...I...I...fuck.

The thought alone kind of scares me. I can't even begin to understand my own emotions let alone communicate them with Kellin. It's just that it felt almost selfish to keep to myself. But more-so than that, I'm terrified he won't reciprocate it.

Almost like some kind of magic, as soon as I grasp my feelings, Kellin groans and wakes up. His eyes flutter open and he flips in my grip to face me. My feelings only intensify, freaking me out even more. This is so...strange.

"Hey," he whispers with a tired smile. I don't bother replying and kiss him instead. I can't help myself, I want to get in all the kisses I can. He laughs a little and I pull away, smiling back at him. A million questions plague my mind, but I don't want to ruin the moment.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks, somehow knowing I was stuck in my head.

"Uh..." I hesitate, still unsure of whether or not to share. "What does this mean for you and Lance?"

He looks away from me for a moment, and my heart practically shatters. I hate that he even had to think about it. I want him to just pick me, no matter what. But that's not realistic.

He reaches a hand up and gently brushes a thumb along my cheek, making my heart completely malfunction.

"Like you said...Lance isn't good for me," he replies with a small smile. It feels like all the humidity lifts from the air around me, and everything just feels better.

I immediately lean in and kiss him again, too excited not to take it further. He's mine. He's actually mine again. It felt somewhat too easy, but in this moment that thought hardly crosses my mind.

I sink under the covers, like so many times before. I smile at his cute laugh and get weirdly turned on by his grip in my hair.

Just as things really get going, my head bobbing at a steady pace, I hear the door click open, followed by a loud voice exclaiming, "Oh shit, sorry!" It was a female voice which I figure must've been Tanya. The door closes not even a second afterwards as I assume she leaves.

I burst out laughing, crawling up Kellin's body feeling eager to talk about the exchange. His face is lobster red which just makes me laugh even harder.