Lose Control

10

It's New Years Eve. But it feels pretty much the same as every other day. Except for the fact that I've called Kellin twice more. Though I doubt he's even up yet. Ryan didn't come back until about 3am; it's almost 2:30 and he had yet to so much as pee. I just want to know what Kellin said.

I'm on my fourth coffee and have been waiting impatiently in the kitchen, unsure of what's going on. Am I still invited to this party tonight? Even if I am, should I still go? I doubt Kellin would want me to be there. And he has to go, there are important people going. As per usual, my thoughts are completely muddled.

Just as I'm about to give up and go to Kellin's demanding answers, I hear his door click open. I immediately straighten up in my seated position, listening intently as he flushes the toilet and runs the sink for a few seconds.

I tap my foot impatiently, my leg bouncing as my stomach flips and flops. I hear the door click open again and soon Ryan trudges into the kitchen.

"Hey," I greet him, smiling. He returns the expression, getting out a bowl, milk, cereal and a spoon. I don't want to completely interrogate him, but also I really really do.

"How was last night?" I ask him, trying to keep my voice friendly when really I want to grab him and shake the answers out of his head.

"Long," he replies, chuckling.

"Was he upset?" I ask as Ryan drops into a seat.

"Yeah," he replies, not looking at me or giving any other information. Is he trying to kill me here?

"Shit," I mutter, sighing.

"But I think you can definitely work it out," he tells me.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You're still coming tonight, right?"

"I don't know..." I reply, scratching my head. "I don't think Kellin would want me there."

"Oh, no. He definitely doesn't want you there," he says, making my heart sink. "But that doesn't mean you can't go."

"I don't know..." I repeat. "That seems really awkward." He laughs, shaking his head at the comment.

"Well yeah, you're in a fight. It's gonna be awkward no matter what."

"Ugh," I whine.

"So you're coming?" he asks, looking at me hopefully.

"Yeah," I sigh, not looking forward to tonight. I'll definitely be drinking...a lot.

"Yes," he exclaims in excitement. "You're the only other person I know that's going."

I waste the rest of the day, planning what to say in my head. I write about 50 scripts, each one focusing on a different thing he could be mad about. I only have a few ideas though. I'd only been in three real relationships, all of which lasted less than 6 months. So I'm not really great at the stability, making up for things and compromising part.

I sigh and decide I should get ready. It's almost 8:30 and Ryan told Kellin he'd be there by 9. I wander to my closet, looking over things for a while before pulling out a grey shirt, black jeans and light blue button up to layer over top.

I go and bother Ryan until he gets ready too and we call a cab. Once our bag is filled with beer, we're are on our way to the Carmel Valley party. I'm a bit intimidated by the widely known expensive location, but also am somewhat excited.

Once we arrive, I'm blown away by the circular driveway and massive grey and black stone masoned house. It's beautiful. There's even a damn doorman who asks our names. This is some next level shit.