Lose Control

16

I wake up to thousands of new followers in reaction to Kellin's new post. It was a black and white picture we forced the coat check girl to take of us. His elbow is perched on my shoulder and he's looking at me while I smile into the camera. It appeared friendly, but I knew otherwise. He was giving me the sparkly eyed look. He captioned it, cheers to the best videographer, couldn't do this without you.

He also texted me finally spilling about his surprise shoot from a week or two back. He got interviewed on fucking Vice. He's already so successful at only 23. I'm so fucking proud of him.

I immediately text him to come over. He agrees, obviously, but not until after whining about not wanting to get up.

I wait impatiently until I hear the glorious sound of a knock on the door. I practically run to it and swing it open, immediately pulling Kellin in and kissing him. He laughs, kissing me back for a moment before pulling away.

"I have a surprise for you," he says, pecking my lips again.

"You do?" I ask, both surprised and confused. He smiles and nods, taking my hand as he leads me away from the apartment. He stops at the elevator and presses the button for one of the parking garage floors. I give him another confused look and he just smiles, ignoring me.

He then walks over to a shiny black Mustang GT. It's fucking beautiful. Did he get a new car? He turns to me and holds up a set of keys before putting them into my hand that he was holding.

"Wait..." I say, "You didn't."

"It's yours. You always drive me around and come to my house, it's the least I can do."

"Kell, I can't take this," I say, putting it back into his hand. It was the first time I'd used the nickname and I was scared to try it out.

"Yes you can. Honestly, I don't pay you enough for your talent and just...take it, okay? This isn't a thing. Just take it and go."

"No really," I tell him, knowing how expensive that car is. "This is too much."

"Oh my God," he says, rolling his eyes. He takes my free hand and drags me inside, jabbering on about how excited he is to watch the interview to distract me.

We now sit on the couch with Ryan, since he was dying to watch it too. The interview was posted on youtube last night and already 135k views. He's so incredible. It's about 6 minutes long and starts off with a basic introduction of who he is and what he does, with a short montage of some of his instagram posts.

"So, in this industry there's a lot of stigma and shame. How do you deal with that?"

"Um," he says, laughing adorably on screen and making me squeeze his hand. "I just try to surround myself with people who support me and are positive towards what I do."

"Well, I have to ask, because we've all been dying to know. Do actors date each other?"

He laughs again, shaking his head. "People do, I guess, but it's not very common."

"What about you? Are you dating?"

He seems somewhat surprised by the question and smiles widely. "No, I don't really see myself ever being with anyone." The second I hear his answer my whole body feels depleted. Never? Even years down the line it'll be like this? I'll never get to hold his hand in front of anyone but Ryan? He'll really never be my boyfriend?

Kellin nudges my side, asking, "What did you think?"

I had completed tuned out the rest of the interview and have to force myself to look happy, burying the way my mind spins uncontrollably into a dark place.