Lose Control

9

I've been home for about 20 minutes and have only just stopped shaking. I was on such a high the whole way home. That felt incredible. He's incredible. But I have a feeling that part of my life is over.

I'm in the middle of snagging some green beans off of Ryan's plate when someone knocks on our door. I furrow my eyebrows, looking at Ryan and seeing him matching my expression.

"I'll get it," I say, standing up. I put one of the stolen beans into my mouth as I open the door. Just as I register Kellin's face, his hand makes contact with my cheek. The hard slap sends my head to the side and some of the bean from my mouth. What the fuck was that for?

"You can't just kiss me like that and then leave!" he shouts. My eyes go wide and I hear Ryan choking on something in the kitchen. I push him back into the hall and follow outside, closing the door behind me. Before I can even start to explain, he punches my chest.

"Hey!" I exclaim, catching it. "I'm sorry, I-I thought that's what you wanted? You told me to go."

"That was before," he says, pulling his hand free and looking at me. My heart starts pumping blood backwards as I hear, "Obviously I wanted you to stay."

My brain can't seem to comprehend the admission. Wait...he actually likes me too? I hadn't expected that. Why would he like someone like me?

"You mean...y-you...me?" I can't seem to verbalize what I'm trying to say. He smiles and takes a step closer, my heartbeat thumping through my whole body. He nods, his eyes falling to my lips. I guess he understood what I was asking.

Just before I break the tension and kiss him, the door behind me clicks open. I turn from Kellin, spotting the shocked face of Ryan in the doorway.

"Hey, Buddy," Kellin says, pulling him in for a hug. Ryan doesn't return it and just seems kind of frozen.

"What did you mean by 'kiss me like that'?" Ryan asks cautiously, looking concerned. Kellin drops his arms and backs away. I'd kill to see the expression on his face right now.

"Ryan just fuck off!" I yell angrily, pushing him inside and slamming the door. I wasn't really mad, but it was the only way I could think of getting him to leave.

I drag Kellin down the hall, winking at him so that he knows I was faking. He smiles a little, playing with my fingers as we make our way to the stairwell. As soon as we're inside I press him against the door, my lips on his.

I'll never get over the feeling as every nerve in my body explodes. His hands grip the sides of my sweater, holding me closer. He pulls back, me lifting his thighs as I focus on his mouth.

He bites his lip, saying, "I'm sorry for all those things I said. You were-"

"I deserved it. I'm so sorry about everything," I tell him, honestly feeling bad.

"Shut up," he mutters, his hand moving to my neck as he pulls me in to meet his lips. I can feel how hard he still is through both of our pants and have trouble deciding what to do. As he sticks his tongue down my throat, his hands go to my pants and he starts to undo them.

As I realize his intentions, panic sets in. He's so experienced...it's intimidating. I'm just not ready, I'm not sure I can satisfy him. As he pushes my zipper down, I snap into action and drop his legs as I pull away.

"Wait," I gasp. His expression quickly changes to confusion then hurt.

"What's wrong?" he asks as I do up my pants. Nervous shocks attack my gut as I look up at him, unsure of what to say. "Oh God..." he mumbles in realization. My eyebrows furrow, unsure of what he was thinking. He looks like he might cry and then makes a face of annoyance as he darts off down the stairs.