Lose Control

26

Kellin's lying on my bed on his stomach and I can't keep the smile off of my face as I watch him. His head's in his hands and he's perching himself up on his elbows. His legs are crossed, rocking back and forth in mid air with only my sheet covering his midsection. The setting sun's golden rays cast in from the window, illuminating his form with a warm glow. He looks so fucking incredible. Then again, when does he not look incredible?

"I love when you stare at me," he says, smiling so widely his teeth practically glisten. For a second I question whether he was being sarcastic, but the look in his eye tells me how serious the comment was. I had been trying to not ruin the moment with words, but he didn't. He actually managed to add even more butterflies to the emporium that is my stomach.

My smile grows and I look away bashfully. I'm embarrassed now, even if he said he liked it.

"No!" he whines. "Don't stop." I do as he says and look at him again as I reach a hand up, softly touching a strand of his hair.

"So...what you- we said today," Kellin starts. I bite my lip at the mention of it. I can't believe he not only said it back, but at the same time too. It was so perfect. Everything with him is so perfect.

"Mhm," I reply, dropping my hand to rest against his arm.

"Did you...you really meant it?" I almost laugh at the question. How could he not see how in love with him I am? "Because when we first-"

"I remember," I cut him off. Of course I remember, it was one the most mortifying moments of my life. I guess I see where he's coming from though. The first time I told him that I loved him I didn't mean it, it was some kind of reaction, but this time was so much different.

He looks away from me and I can see how insecure he feels just from the look on his face. He's scared it was just a reaction again.

"Kell," I say softly, getting his attention again. "When I broke up with you...it fucking devastated me. I realized instantly how big of a mistake it was. Seeing you with Lance...I couldn't stand it. But when you kissed me again...I don't know I can't explain it." I take a second, searching for the right words. "I'm not just in love with you," I say, brushing my thumb along his cheek. "I can't live without you."

His eyes go watery and makes me smile even more. I hope he finally believes me. He never trusts anything I say, even if I repeat it a thousand times.

"No one's ever..." he doesn't finish his sentence, but I know what he was gonna say. I find hard to believe though, he's so fucking perfect there's no way I'm the first to fall for him.

"Well I am. So deal with it," I say jokingly, shuffling from my laying position and pressing my lips to his. He smiles into it, pressing his lips to mine harder. When I pull away, he shuffles higher up on the bed and rest his head on his shoulder as his arm snakes across my body.

"I've never felt this for anyone," he says, his voice quiet. I smile, loving hearing that from him and wrapping my arm around his slim form. I've had so many firsts with him and surprisingly it only makes me more comfortable with him. I never expected that.

"Me neither," I tell him honestly. He looks at me and I look back, feeling dazed yet again by his beauty. "Really," I tell him, trying to reassure his anxious mind. He smiles and we kiss again, for a while actually.

When we pull away, he moves back to his earlier position and snuggles into me more. The TV was on, but only to drown out our...uh, noises. I had it on Netflix, bingeing Friends but neither of us had really paid any attention. It had just now stopped, asking if we were still watching. The silence felt comfortable though. Kellin takes a deep, shakey breath before breaking it.