Lose Control

25

"Stop that," Kellin says, kicking my shin lightly under the table. I had been staring at him, dying to say those three life changing words.

"Ow!" I exclaim, but it didn't really hurt. He just laughs and rolls his eyes, putting a fry in his mouth.

We're in some random sports bar downtown, highlights from the weekend's football and hockey games projecting onto about eight screens around the room.

"So what are you up to this week?" I ask him, making casual conversation as we eat.

"Not much. I have some castings tomorrow and meetings on Thursday and Friday, but that's pretty much it. What about you? Any assignments?"

"No," I tell him, shaking my head. It's mid January now, meaning second semester had only just started. "Just the usual classes and readings."

"Blegh," he groans for me. "I don't know how you do that. I hated school."

I just shrug, "It's the only way to get where I wanna be."

"My hard working man," he says, smiling and rubbing my inner calf with his foot. I can't help but smile at the action, any physical contact with him sending my nerves into a frenzy.

"Stop it, you're making me blush," I reply. He just smiles and we fall into a comfortable silence as we chow down. I can't help but keep staring at him though, every one of his features is just so breathtaking. It got me to thinking of what his parents look like, what features they'd passed down to him.

"Where'd you grow up?" I ask him, "I just realized I don't even know."

"Michigan. It was gross though, I hated it. I feel so much more at home here."

"Do your parents still live there?" I ask next. I felt kind of like a drill sergeant interrogating someone, but I'm just so curious. I want to know everything about him.

He goes quiet for a moment, not looking at me. I know he doesn't have the best relationship with his parents, but I want him to know he can talk to me about them. I want him to know I'll be on his side no matter the nature of what had gone down.

"Uh, yeah. I think so," he finally says. His response confuses me. He doesn't know?

"Right...So you're not close with them then?"

He shakes his head, still not making eye contact. Is he trying to kill me here? I'm dying to know what happened. I don't want to push too hard though, he'll open up to me when he feels like it.

"Um, did something happen between you and them?" I ask. Whoops, it just slipped out, okay?

"Stop asking about it!" he shouts aggressively, people actually turning to look at us it was so loud. He realizes, and looks at me apologetically as he softens his tone, saying, "Sorry. Just...can we talk about something else please?"

"Yeah," I reply sheepishly, hating when I make him mad. I felt so off for the rest of the meal. I wasn't smiley like usual and we didn't have any flirty banter. Eventually, Kellin seems to pick up on my dropped mood and sighs.

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you earlier. I just don't like talking about it, okay? Can you be normal now?" I instantly feel bad for ruining the date's mood. He'd gone back to normal, but I hadn't.

I smile a little as his foot brushes my ankle, replying, "Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad."

"I wasn't mad," he says, look sympathetically at me and rubbing his foot on my leg again. "It's just a sensitive topic for me, you didn't do anything wrong."

I understand where he's coming from, I have my own things I never talk about or tell anyone. But I want him to tell me everything. I guess I can't be such a hypocrite, I have to tell him everything too.