Lose Control

19

The first truly mean thing I ever say to Lance is when I'm at Kellin's for a shoot. I'm standing in the doorway, watching him put on makeup in his new spot: his bathroom. He's explaining to me that he wants me to come to a photoshoot and film some behind the scenes stuff for his public snapchat.

"Okay, I can definitely do that," I tell him, not doing a good job at hiding my excitement. I'd always wanted to see him model.

He smiles at me, finishing up before shoving everything into a bag and tucking it away in a drawer. I leave as he undresses and stand in awkward silence as Tanya and Lance chat. Kellin walks in a few moments later, Tanya rushing off to do whatever she always seems to be doing.

As always, I start recording when he pushes his robe off his shoulders. He walks backwards, giving the camera a seductive glance. It sends shivers up my spine. I zoom in as he falls onto his back, shooting from above while his hands travel down his body. It reminds me of my first ever shoot.

Kellin massages himself, moaning and making faces that have me struggling to breathe. This is so much harder now that I have personal memories with him. I can practically feel what it's like to be inside of him from one look. It's pure torture.

When he finishes and I wipe sweat from my forehead, I notice something he'd done a good job of hiding. He gets up and pulls his robe on, but not before I spot the red dots covering his lower back and ass.

"Kellin, what happened!?" I ask, instinctually stepping forward and pulling his robe away to reveal the marks. Lance chuckles from behind me and I'd completely forgotten that he was even here. At least he finally learned to be quiet.

"Uh," Kellin stutters, looking at Lance and turning red. A lightbulb goes off in my head as I glance between the two of them and realize: candle wax. That had to be it.

"He burned you!?" I exclaim, my eyes going wide. I didn't mean to blurt it out like that, but I was shocked. I know Kellin's weirdly into these things, but I could never physically hurt him, no matter how much he may want it.

"That's none of your business," Lance tells me, a playful look in his eye. He comes over to Kellin and wraps his arm around him, Kellin smiling then looking back at me. I just keep giving him a questioning expression and waiting for his response. I want to make sure he was okay. Secretly, I'm kind of hoping it would somehow break them up. He just shrugs though, looking away from me. That didn't give me fucking anything.

I sigh, annoyed with their relationship and somewhat disapproving of it now. The room grows awkward as everyone silently avoids each other's gaze. I hand Kellin the phone, giving him a disappointed look before storming out. I know I shouldn't let their relationship affect me, but I can't stop myself from caring for him. And, frankly, I'm worried.

"Hey!" Kellin angrily exclaims, not letting it go as he follows me out. I get to the door, but he drags me back inside before I can get through it. "You can't be so judgemental. This has nothing to do with you, you made that pretty fucking clear." Well that fucking stung.

"But he's hurting you," I say, again confused at how he doesn't see this the way I do.

"Oh my God," Kellin whines, rubbing his temples. "This is Jaxon all over again."

"Whatever, it's your life," I reply, going for the door again. This time he lets me leave, slamming the door behind me.

The whole night I'm worried about how mad I made Kellin. I don't want to lose him...even just his presence in my life makes me happier. I don't want to be fired or permanently ruin our relationship, so I decide I better be nice to Lance from now on. I at least have to get better at ignoring him and his actions.