Lose Control

17

It's a week and a half until I hear from Kellin again, and it's not even really Kellin. Tanya calls me and tells me I have a shoot at 3. It's safe to say I'm confused. Ever since we met, Kellin would text me about the shoots. Had that changed? Kellin's a professional though, and I've done nothing wrong work-wise so why would he be avoiding me?

I kind of get it though. The first two days after I broke up with up with him were pretty rough. I regretted everything and kept wanting to get him back. I texted him once, just reiterating how sorry I was. He simply replied that he understood and that was that. I keep trying to tell myself that I'll be happier, but, honestly, I'm not sure I believe it.

I have a feeling seeing him is gonna be really weird. And watching him...whatever...again? That's gonna hurt like a bitch. But I did this to myself, so I have to suck it up and just get through it. It's only a job again, I have to accept that and do the best I can.

I knock on his door, nervous about what I'm in store for. Normally when I dump someone, I don't have to see them again let alone film them fuck someone else.

The door opens to Tanya's face, and I do my best to act as normal as possible. Smiling seems like the hardest thing in the world, but when she grins at me I find it surprisingly easy.

"Hey, Tanya. How's life?" I casually ask, walking through the doorway.

"Crazy busy," she replies. "Ever since Kellin was on Vice it's been pretty hectic."

"Yeah, I heard! I'm so fucking proud of him," I say, hoping she doesn't pick up on how into him I still am.

"Me too," she adds as we get to the production room. "He's come so far. I can't believe he won't even tell his parents."

"He won't?" I ask, subconsciously doing the worried-nosey-significant-other thing. I need to stop caring so much if I'm ever gonna move on.

"Maybe you can get him to, but I've tried everything. I know they'd be proud if they found out," she adds. I nod, deep in thought as she head into the kitchen.

I still haven't seen Kellin yet and I'm more than anxious, but somehow dreading it at the same time. I head down the hall to grab the phone, knocking lightly on his door as my stomach churns nervously. I don't know what our relationship will be like now. Will we go back to being friends? But even then we were flirty.

"Come in," his light voice says from the other side, interrupting my running thoughts. I take a deep breath, clearing my mind before walking inside.

"Hey," I say, spotting him in the en suite bathroom as I make my way over to the drawer.

"Oh, uh, hey," he replies awkwardly. I try to brush it off as I grab the phone, but now the whole room feels tense. I close the drawer and look over to see Kellin putting lipstick on, already dressed in his robe. Why is he doing his makeup in here? He always kept it in the vanity. My thoughts screech to a halt as I realize he was probably avoiding me. He did seem surprised that I came in. Does he really not even want to be around me anymore? That's when I notice that the toothbrush he'd loaned me no longer sits in the cup at the edge of his sink. I know it's been over a week since the breakup, but it felt fast. I haven't remotely moved on, yet he actually seems to be trying.

I place the mustang's keys on the bedside table, not needing to feel bad about anything else. I glance back at Kellin one last time, not even catching his eye before I rush out of the room.