╰┈➤ WARNING: this chapter may contain sensitive content. Readers are advised to proceed with caution. As of 2022, the author has started editing this set of one shots and deeply apologises to anyone their younger self may have triggered or upset by not putting a warning beforehand.
Merlin took a deep breath and sighed as he exhaled. He stood slouched on the edge of a tower. A tower in Camelot to be exact. He could do it. He knew he could. One step...one step and he'd be dead.
But was that really a bad thing?
Morgana was evil. Freya, Will, his father and many, many more were dead, because of him. Mordred...He wanted to be friends with the boy but couldn't trust him...now he would make him feel hated...
And what's the point in his life anyway?
He does the same thing every day! Save Arthur! What's the point if Arthur hates magic?? Even if he did accept magic, what then? Would he accept him? What would happen to Morgana? And Mordred?
What if he doesn't accept him?
Merlin took another deep breath. He had enough reasons to jump didn't he? 1. He saves Arthur every day. 2. His magic will never be accepted. 3. Everyone dies because of him.
He put his foot over the ledge, ready to jump. But he quickly retracted it. No. He couldn't do this...could he? It would be terrifying to fall...and painful. But it would be worth it, wouldn't it?Shaking his head, Merlin jogged back down the tower stairs and headed to Gauis' chambers. He pushed open the door and saw Gaius treating a patient.
"Ah, Merlin you're back! Hand me some wolvesbane will you?" The old man asked. Merlin did as he was told, handing the herb to Gaius. He looked down at the peasant man below him. His head was covered in sweat and he was bleeding from his left leg.
"Is Arthur back yet?" Merlin asked Gaius. Arthur had been gone on a "Top Secret" quest that even Merlin wasn't allowed to know the details to. All anyone knew was that he'd be back within that week. Gaius' face suddenly changed to a sad look.
"I'm afraid not, Merlin." He replied, then looked at the man on the table who was unconcious. "Hmm. I think I need some hollycock root. I'll be back in an hour. He shouldn't wake up until tomorrow so don't worry about that either." He said gesturing towards the clearly unconcious man.
Merlin nodded and headed to his room. He felt like crying and screaming and he didn't know why. He felt like a six year old having a tantrum. Merlin's eyes started to water and his nose became runny. Why was he so upset? You shouldn't bottle up your emotions Merlin. His mother Hunith had once told him. It will only make you make you more upset.
He sat on his bed and cried his heart out for half an hour before he ran out of tears. Sniffling, he stared out of his window numbly, wondering what it would be like if he 'fell' out. Merlin decided to just sleep his feelings off. The next morning Gaius didn't wake him up. Did that mean Arthur still wasn't back? He went into the main chambers and saw the old man. He asked him, "Gaius, is Arthur back yet?" Gaius frowned at the young man's question.
He looked at him with such pity and sadness it was almost painful. "Oh, my boy...you have to accept it." He said.
"Accept what?" Merlin's breathing hitched a bit and his eyes started watering. Like he already knew what Gaius would say...
Gaius just shook his head sorrowfully and walked away. Merlin was already crying now and again he didn't know why. It was like something had happened and he'd forgotten. About a month later Merlin was inside the king's chambers. But something was wrong. The king wasn't in it. He was still gone and Merlin felt empty. He'll come back. Any day now. He told himself.
He just went on a secret trip. That's all. He'll be back soon. He will.
And week later Merlin was found in Gaius' main chambers where he seemed to almost always be these days. And with Arthur still gone, Merlin had had enough. He went up to Gaius and for the hundredth time asked him, "Is Arthur back yet?" When Gaius was about to walk away he grabbed his arm and stared into his eyes. Tears pooled both their eyes as Merlin said, "Gaius, please. When will he come back?"
Gaius couldn't have looked more sadder than right now when he replied, "Merlin, my boy...Arthur is dead. You know that. You have to remember Merlin. You know he's dead. You have to accept it. Arthur is never coming back."
Merlin dropped to the floor crying harder than he'd ever cried in his life. Because Gaius was right. He was dead. Merlin knew why he was always crying...he just never wanted to admit it.
|He's dead.| |His best friend was dead.| |His brother was dead.| |His king was dead!| |Arthur was dead.|
|He was dead.|
(I tried to shape it like a crown👑.)
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