Merlin One Shots

28 | I know I am

Hey y'all, so I logged onto my laptop but I won't be using it frequently because I have to hotspot it to update and it uses a lot of my weekly data, rip.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one shot. Someone suggested to do more depressing ones (here you go mate), another person suggested to do one where Arthur calls him something and he says 'I know' (you know who you are, sorry I forgot the usernames).

This also goes with the suggestion to make one where Arthur hurts him and thinks 'what have I done?'.

Read on xx

Merlin sighed, not really caring if Arthur heard him at this point. The King had worked him far too hard this week, which was probably because of all the chaos he's had to have been settling and the new kingly duties or whatever but Merlin was too exhausted to sympathise. "Merlin!" Oh, gods, help me. He thought glumly. The tired out raven-haired boy ran down the halls to find the prat he sometimes called his friend. His body only groaned in reply as he reached Arthur's quarters, just in time to see the pissed off figure slamming his door closed, not realising he was there.

"Yes, sire?" Arthur was so pissed off in fact, that he didn't even notice the struggle in his manservant's voice, nor that he called him sire - which he did rarely.

The King turned around to face Merlin, his eyes wide and face red with anger. "For God's sake, Merlin! My dinner was supposed to be here an hour ago! Where is it!?" Arthur plopped down onto his royal wooden chair, his hand on his head as he seethed.

Merlin's mouth opened, shut, then opened again. "I, uh, may have forgotten to get it because of all the -"

Suddenly the blonde boy stood up and walked towards Merlin sneering, "Are seriously telling me you bloody forgot?! Honestly! You are the worst servant I have ever had! You're late all the time! You never do any of your chores, you're disrespectful too! You're bloody worthless, Merlin!" Arthur's hands flew all over the place as he ranted to the other boy.

Merlin placed down the empty jug he'd been holding onto the King's table, "I know." He said, too many emotions flooded from his voice and it made Arthur stop mid-rant.

Arthur's eyes narrowed in confusion, his anger was simmering down as guilt began to plague him slowly. "What?" His voice was steady, but curious.

"I'm fucking worthless, I know, okay?" He replied, coolly. Merlin's face was blank as he stared blankly at Arthur but his eyes showed more. Reading eyes wasn't possible, Arthur thought as he looked at him, but Merlin's look so...full, full of emotion.

Arthur quickly realised his mistake, "No, Merlin that's not what I meant..." He trailed off though, knowing that Merlin had made up his mind by the look on his face.

Merlin just sighed, a deep, emotion-filled sigh of pain and sadness. "I fucking hate myself, Arthur. Do you understand how hard it is for me everyday, to hide who I am!" His servant looked shocked with himself, like he'd said too much but at the same time he looked defeated.

"What are you on about, Merlin?"

"I have magic!" He exclaimed, but not loud enough for the guards to hear him. And before Arthur could say anything he continued; "I'm evil, right? I was born with magic, but it doesn't matter, does it sire? Well it won't for much longer because even though I'd die for you, even though I've fought for you and protected you because I always believed you'd become a great King someday and unite the lands of Albion and free magic forever, I'm done! I'm done, Arthur. I can't wait anymore, I can't keep betraying my kin, all for you when you don't even realise it! I can't keep pretending it doesn't hurt me, that you don't hurt me! That I'm okay, because I'm not and I haven't been for a long while, Arthur." Arthur was speechless. Merlin's eyes suddenly burned gold as he said, "And that's why I've finally got to do this." He looked fully sad now, but it was more than that. He was depressed, exhausted and just done with life and everything that came along with it.

Merlin summoned one of the King's small daggers to stop and point directly towards his heart. Arthur snapped out of his daze, Merlin couldn't kill himself. No. No, no, no! "No! Merlin, don't!" But he was too late, the dagger had launched itself into his sorrowful heart by Merlin's command.

Arthur watched with grief as his best friend - that he had treated so poorly - choked on his own blood, falling into the King's arms mumbling his goodbyes. Arthur called for the guards to get Gaius straight away and tell him it was urgent. He knew it was fruitless though, he could already see the life fading from his eyes. When Gaius arrived moments later, Arthur was crying without shame.

He knew this was partly his fault, he should have noticed sooner and most importantly, he should have told Merlin about the document on his desk sooner. He was stressing about it all week, having chaotic council meetings and discussing his alliance with Lord Richard, one of the longest Allies of Camelot.

I, Arthur Pendragon, hereby declare magic legal in Camelot.

Oops, I have no regrets ;)