Edward took a deep breath. He is standing at the door of his past, figuratively, it's knob within his reach. Yesterday, he phoned Cha and instructed her to book an appointment with a known psychologist that practises hypnotherapy. And now here he is, standing outside the room.
On the door a silver plate read. "Dr. Simon Janeiro, PhD.
He knocked and a voice from inside ushered him to come in.
An unfamiliar, kind-looking man, with grey hairs, must be in his late 50's appeared in his sight.
The doctor smiled at him as he closed the door behind him and approached the table. He seated at the single chair which the doctor motioned to him. He doesn't know, but he felt like he was acquainted to this doctor. You know the feeling, liking a person you've seen for the very first time. Or maybe because it is what people with profession like him are trained to do, to build instant rapport with their clients after just seconds of meeting.
"How are you feeling, Edward?"
"Floating." That's the most honest answer he could give.
The doctor smiled. He started by asking him series of personal questions, looking at his notes from time to time. At first Edward felt a little reserved. But as their conversation went, he noticed the doctor is carefully absorbing his words, listening attentively.
"Hypnotheraphy. What is it?"
The doctor smiled.
"Basically, it's a therapy that uses hypnotism, in which the mind is used in an attempt to help with a variety of problems, such as breaking bad habits or coping with stress."
"But.. Recovering memories. Can it really help one recover memories?"
"Yes. Under hypnosis, many people are capable of hypermnesia - basically, the opposite of amnesia, and remember things in uncommonly vivid detail. Hypermnesia is even used in forensic hypnosis when there's a need for a witness to recall the scene of a crime."
Edward carefully ponders what the doctor just said.
"So what can I do for you, Mr. Barber?"
He felt drawn to expressing himself more that by the time he raised this question, he readily answers.
"A year ago, I've had an accident that cost me my memories. The doctor said, I have selective amnesia, i forgot certain things. My friend told me that i can actually recall those memories through hypnotherapy. And I'm here to give it a try. Is it really possible?"
The doctor squinted his eyes. Eyeing him particularly.
"Hypnotism is powerful. It can make you supress memories. Or it can make you recall them."
Edward felt some sort of a dejavu. This office. How he sat. That painting hanging on the left wall. The miniature sculpture of a half man that stands on his far right. How the light from outside passes through the blinds of the window. He felt weird.
"Are you sure? First of all, in selective amnesia, a person forgets a certain memory because that's the way the brain protects itself from a shocking or unacceptable situation that may be too painful to remember for them. You wanting to recall them, would mean "remembering" what your brain classified as traumatic memories."
Edward paused. The truth is he feels afraid. But if that would mean remembering everything about Maymay, that would all be worth it. After taking a deep breath he answered.
"Yes."
The doctor shifted weight, leaning at his swivel chair, entwined his fingers and looked at him intently. At times Edward thought the doctor looked at him with disbelief. Especially when he let out a deep sigh. He opened his lips many times like he's about to say something. But he won't say a word.
Then he stands and look for something in his file cabinet. When he found it, he came back to his swivel chair, perused the contents of the file for some minutes. He closed it and put in on the table.
Edward's eye darted on the folder. But the doctor's hand is covering it.
After some moments, he asked him again.
"Im asking you for one last time. Will you not regret asking this favor from me?"
After a long pause, Edward answers.
"Maybe i will, maybe i wont. The only thing to find out is to try. What im sure of right now is i'll regret is burying that part of me forever, if i don't try."
The doctor stared at him some more, like measuring his determination. Then he nods his head, like dismissing his own thoughts whatever they may be, and stands up.
He motioned Edward to follow him. He opens another door at one side of the room which opens up to another smaller room that resembles the one they just left. Only, darker. On it is a cushy leather couch. He felt sleepy the moment he enters the room. Or could it be because he has not have a decent sleep these past few days. And the doctor motioned him to lie there.
He felt a tight knot in his stomach. But he became a little comfortable as the soft leather takes the shape of his back.
"Relax. And close your eyes."
Edward obeyed.
"Take a deep breath. Feel the air as it fills your lungs."
"Feel your arms. Your right arm feels heavy. "
His right arm indeed feels heavy.
The doctor has already put him in hypnotic trance.
Then he felt like floating. One by one, he feels everything in the room slowly vanishing. He could not feel the soft leather against his back anymore
Even the doctor is gone. Only his voice is penetrating to his subconscious. He was alone.
And the next moment, not only that he felt physically heavy. He felt HIS HEART heavy, like when you feel an inexplicable pain inside your chest. Then he is recalling the past. Flashes of memories came back. They surge in like a picture slideshow, and he went back to the start. To the very start.
Edward felt like he is in the bottom of the ocean. For a long time. After being enveloped in the body of water, he feels like slowly rising.
Slowly.
Rising to the surface.
He opened his eyes. He gasped.
He felt like waking up from a deep sleep, he felt his strength drained. He gaped in disbelief at the realization of what he did.
He sat up straight, he looked around the room. This isn't new to him. That weird feeling. It isn't just dejavu.
He had been here.
He was here.
He was here a year ago.
Have your heart ached that much you wished you would just forget everything in just a snap of a finger?
Maymay called him in the phone that night. He drove all the way to Cavite. They were both leaning on his car, facing the house.
"Magkaiba tayo ng mundo Edward. Kahit balibaligtarin mo." she seemed calm. Her face stoic. Lost in a trance. But she looked tired. Her voice almost a whisper. He didn't even want to hear her next words. But it didn't escaped his ears.
"Tama na. Edward. Mabuhay ka ng wala ako. Ganun din ang gagawin ko."
"Hypnotism is powerful. It can make you supress memories. Or it can make you recall them."
"Edward?"
He looked up. As he met the eyes of Dr. Janeiro, he realized. He was the same man he came to last year.
He buried his face on his hands. As realizations start to dawn on him. His shoulders start to shake.
The accident. He made up the accident. It wasn't true.
He had his memories erased.
He had his memories of Maymay erased.
• • •
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BINABASA MO ANG
Whisper of the Heart (COMPLETED)
Romance(A Mayward inspired story) Edward Barber wakes up one day feeling like he had lost something. His precious memory gone with the wind. Would he ever complete the missing pieces of his lost memory? Or in finding what had been lost, would he ever forgi...
