fake rose // chaelisa

flashback (01)

i quietly sat on the bench, letting my mind drift elsewhere. the weather is nice, not too cold, not too hot either. i pondered why i ordered tea when i wasn't even going to drink it. i wasn't in the mood to do anything really, typical me. it's 7PM, i should probably be back at my hotel, but my feet don't move, i wanted to stay here. just for a little more. it's nice here, there's not a lot of people in this park and the sound of sea hitting hard rocks seems to calm me down.

i close my eyes. i should probably leave. people might recognize me and my manager is going to kill me if i stay here for another minute or two. i sip on my cold tea and sighed. stupid me, i should have drank the tea when it was hot because it's actually delicious.

"how's the tea?"

i froze for a second. i felt how my heart banged inside my chest. coincidence? probably. but for fuck sake, life must really hate me.

"you lost some of your kiwi accent, jennie," i cooed.

"i know," jennie replied and sat next to me.

for fuck sake. i should've left earlier. i shouldn't be with my chaeng's bestfriend, i'll end up asking jennie how chaeyoung is. and to be honest, the last thing i want to do right now is show anyone that i'm still madly in love with the girl who left my heart broken in pieces.

i sat still, i didn't ask any questions, i didn't speak. i'm afraid that i might utter her name.

"i saw your video," jennie started a topic.

"what video? be specific, jen."

"i didn't know you had such a rough past," jennie cooed, she avoided my question, but somehow still managed to answer my question. there was pity in her voice.

i hate that. i hate it when people pity me. i hate it, i feel so weak and disgusting. i really should've have left earlier. i thought that going outside to get some fresh air might be a good idea, but by how things turned out, i wish i thought otherwise.

"i didn't really tell anyone. just my therapist and my manager."

"why didn't you tell anyone? it must be hard."

i shrugged. i wonder why jennie seemed to care. maybe i'm just so used to people not listening to me and not caring.

"they don't listen, they don't care," i replied, my voice cold and monotoned.

jennie looked at me, i knew because i saw how she moved her head to my direction with my peripheral vision.

"some people will listen and care," she replied, her voice almost a whisper.

i scoffed. "do you think i have the time to look for people who will? jennie, i was breaking all through out. i was waiting for someone to save me, but at the end of the day all i ever had was alcohol and myself."

"that's not true!" she raised her voice. she was angry and hurt, i could tell because her voice cracked.

"it is true," i uttered, my gaze glued to the sea in front of me.

"you have blackpink, lisa," she replied. her voice firm, but low.

"i had no one," i paused and forced a chuckle. "i have no one."

i abruptly stood up, forcing her to choke on whatever she wanted to say to me. i faced her, smiled, bowed, and said my farewell. i forced my legs and feet to walk away from jennie. i was dying inside. my heart shredded to pieces. i wanted to ask jennie about her . . . is she good? how is chaeyoung? is she happy? is she and jungkook still a thing? why did she leave without saying anything?