fake rose // chaelisa

allison (10)

n/a: all mistakes are mine

i just couldn't believe it.

why?

why was chaeyoung in my concert? what's her motive? did she have one at all? did she wanted to see me?

because in all honesty, i want to see her, but i know that's a very bad idea.

but if i were to see her. . . will my heart go crazy or will it just ache? will my arms want to embrace her or push her away? will i welcome her with open arms and re-open the wounds of the past or will i just walk pass her and ignore my aching heart that screams for her name?

i closed the article and sighed deeply. i know one day i'll get to see her, but hopefully when that day comes i'll be able to face her without my heart racing or feeling needles poke at my chest.

i need to move-on from chae because there's a jungkook. i did my research when i was still in L.A and i found out that chae's boyfriend is jungkook. i don't know if they're still together though. . . it's been 10 months since i last updated myself from their relationship. but it doesn't really matter if they've broken up or not, right? because even without this jungkook guy, rosè would always and only consider me as nothing more than a friend.

"a fucking friend," i muttered under my breath. the word lingers in my tongue, it's like poison.

i clicked on google and did a little bit of research about rosè and jungkook.

i can't help it. i got to know. after a few taps on my phone i got immediate answers to my question.

"fucking hell. they're still together," i placed my phone down on the night stand table and buried my head on the pillows to muffle my groan of frustration and disappointment.

well, i can't help but to feel like this. i really like chaeyoung after all -- like is an understatement, but let's just keep it that way. i don't want to look too desperate.

but i really have to give it to them. after two long years, they're still together. i honestly can't remember my last serious relationship. . . oh wait, i have none.

i dated people to try to distract myself from her, but it always doesn't end well. they could be the sweetest, the most romantic person ever, the cutest, you name it, but it still wouldn't work out because it's usually me that has the problem.

it's frustrating, really. because i like them, but it's never enough. they can't make me forget about rosè, they can't flood my tummy with butterflies just like chaeyoung.

i like my exes, but the thing is i'm in love with chae. and that's what my exes lack -- my love. sounds cliché but it's the damn truth.

and the truth always hurts.

i can't believe i'm holding back tears again.

i'm so weak for chaeyoung, it's not even funny anymore. i sat up and scrubbed my eyes to remove those tears that i hate so much. i huffed and sighed, feeling absolutely hopeless about my current situation.

i want to talk to someone. but austin and i are in separate hotel rooms, and i really don't feel like walking right now. so, i just took the easiest option and dialled allison.

she answered at the third call as usual. i'm starting to think that she does this on purpose.

"hey, babe, what's up?" ally greeted with enthusiasm.

"not so great," i answered honestly.

i heard a sigh from the other line. "it's because of what i sent, ain't it?"