fake rose // chaelisa

fan (13)

ALL MISTAKES ARE MINE.

you know you're broken down to the core if you wake up and feel as if everything is weighing you down. you know you're in endless pain if you can't get out of bed to do even the simplest tasks. you know you're in love if tears sting your eyes when you think of her.

two days had passed but nothing had really changed. it sucks. i can't do anything because everything reminds me of her. literally.

the fake rose sitting on my table?

chaeyoung.

those flowers in the vase?

chaeyoung's scent.

that chocolate bar?

chaeyoung's eyes.

that vase?

her curves and beauty. the art that she possesses.

i smiled for a second but it was soon followed by a defeated and disappointed sigh. how is this possible? how can she make me smile, but hurt me the second after?

it should be impossible but she makes it possible - it's fucking unfair.

i was hoping she'd catch me, but she didn't. i thought she'd understand, but she didn't. i thought that maybe i'm worth something, but she made me feel otherwise. she hurt me a lot, but that's already obvious. i'm actually quite surprise that i managed to stay sane after all that happened.

but being sane has its own consequences. that being you can actually feel, you actually hurt, you cry for a reason.

sometimes, i just want to go insane because i'm tired of everything. at least when i'm out of my mind i would forget her. i wouldn't feel nor hurt. i would probably cry, but at least it's not because of her.

it's scary being utterly and pathetically in love. you break even if you don't want to.

"we can't be."

her words echoed inside my head. it's on repeat - like a broken stereo, and every time i hear it, it hurts more than the last.

but what if chaeyoung is right?

that we can't be?

maybe we're just destined to meet, but not destined to be together?

if that's right, then i don't want to be correct. i want to be wrong because i love her.

what's the point of meeting and falling in love if you're not supposed to be together? is the universe playing with us? because if they are, then that's fucked up.

i would've cry, but i'm so fucking tired of crying. so instead, i prayed. i prayed for someone up there, passed the clouds, or to whoever who could hear my plead to take away the heavy and unbearable pain in my chest.

as much as i want to eat breakfast and enjoy the weather, i can't. it's not because i can't walk or anything like that.

i just can't.

i feel so down, i can't seem to find the motivation to do anything at all.

i sighed for the second time today before lifelessly staring up the ceiling of my hotel room. i was so ready to doze off again, but the sound of someone knocking at my door stopped me from doing so.

"lisa?"

it was ally. my best friend.

"come in," i replied, still staring at the ceiling.