fake rose // chaelisa

hurt me like that (28)

all mistakes are mine.

SMUT AHEAD.

every inch of my mind, body and soul was screaming to talk to chaeyoung. to tell her how much she means to me, to tell her that i would be nothing if she ever leaves, but just like her motionless face, my lips also remained static.

we drove in silence. i was clutching the stirring wheel so tightly that my hands were starting to shake and my knuckles were turning white.

yes, i'm driving. no, i'm not drunk. when i saw chaeyoung earlier in hunter's place, every drowsiness from the alcohol completely vanished.

another minute of silence. i finally snapped. after all, there's only so much that i can take.

i stepped on the brake in the middle of the deserted road with all my power and it sent us forward with the same amount of force. luckily, we had our seat belts on or else someone would be injured by now. but not even the force of the unexpected halt changed chaeyoung's dry face.

"baby," i cooed and touched her arm gently.

i mentally cringed at the name. i ponder if i'm even allowed to call her that at this point?

she looked at me with cold eyes. the general look sent chills down my spine. i'm starting to think that the chaeyoung in front of me is completely different. she could never look at me like that before.

"talk to me," i pleaded and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

i remember doing this to her. a lot. i was kind of hoping that i'd get a reaction from her, but instead of the usual smile she would give me every time i would do that - i got nothing.

"please?"

a few more seconds passed and i was starting to grow more hopeless. was my pleading landing on deaf ears? but as i was about to give up, chaeyoung spoke.

"there's nothing we should really talk about," she replied casually. no hint of anything in her voice, it was monotoned and distant.

"i said that 1 year ago in k's café and we ended up crying and confessing everything," i said and chuckled sweetly at the memory.

she looked at me with sad eyes - i must've triggered something in her when i said that.

"it's not the same anymore," she sighed and slightly shook her head as if in denial.

"what do you mean?" i asked and gently held her hand which was shaking. "don't you trust me? i didn't kiss her- i didn't - i was - she was-"

"it doesn't matter anymore," she abruptly cut me off and pulled her hand away from my grasp.

i looked away and sighed, completely defeated. "it does," i whispered, but i'm sure she still heard me clear as day.

for the second time tonight, silence engulfed the car. the only thing that i could hear was chaeyoung's heavy and uneven breathing. if only the atmosphere wasn't so gloomy and thick with awkwardness; i would've just sat back, relaxed, closed my eyes and enjoyed chaeyoung's mere presence. but now is not the right time to do that, i need to break the heavy atmosphere. quick.

"what are you going to do after tonight?" i asked out of no where.

i mentally face palmed myself for the question. instead of minimizing the gloom swirling inside the car; the question made it worse. much much worse.

"leave," she answered instantly. the fact that her voice showed no hesitation sent me into a state of painful denial. "what else other than that? or were you expecting that i'd stay with you?"