fake rose // chaelisa

love is less than hurt (23)

all mistakes are mine.

time flies by so fast. it's been a year since this happy fluff ball named park chaeyoung decided that she'd stick around with my mess. i remember everything changing ever since that day. one year ago, i would've scoffed and laugh if someone told me that chaeyoung would actually be my girlfriend. i would've have frowned if someone told me that i'd be chaeyoung's happy dose, her happy pill. but little did i know, i actually became all of those.

we were happy. i was happy. she was happy. but you see, not everything last. everything changes. nothing is for forever.

three months ago, our relationship hit its lowest point. we were oblivious to the damage we were inflicting upon ourselves. the more we stuck together, the more we drifted apart. it was heart breaking. because we love each other, we really did, but she couldn't give me her time, and i couldn't give her any of mine either. she was busy with blackpink's comeback, i was busy with my own music.

and so, we did what we thought was best. we decided to stay afar from each other.

no. we didn't break up. we just gave each other space to breath - a whole lot of space to breath.

i came back to L.A to give us both the distance we very much needed. ever since our departure, i haven't heard anything from her. not a call, not a text, not a message. nothing. with every day that passes, i was starting to think that she secretly wanted all of this to happen. but i know that it's probably not true. it shouldn't be, because chaeyoung loves me. i know that. i swear to god she loves me.

"hey, want to go see a movie or something?" allison asked.

my best friend had been worried sick for me. she knows how much chaeyoung affects my daily life, and without my girlfriend with me i feel like i'm actually, literally falling into bits of pieces. i just hope that chaeyoung doesn't feel like this because she needs to be happy. or at least look as if she's happy. because blackpink just had made a very successful comeback, and they're going to be in a lot of interviews and tv shows, so chae must show her best self.

visioning her slowly tearing apart while putting on a brave face for the camera and her fans. . . is just shredding my heart.

chae, why can't we just be happy?

"lisa!" aliison exclaimed causing me to jump a little.

i looked at her, confused.

"want to go or nah?"

"sorry, ally, i'm not in the mood to do anything right now," i answered honestly and lethargically.

my best friend nodded. she always tried to understand me even though i'm someone never really worth understanding.

i tried to be strong for the both of us. i tried to be optimistic, i pushed all the negative thoughts at the back of my head, but even with my best efforts. . . they still manage to come crashing down on me - weighing down my shoulders with guilt and sadness.

"when will you stop?" allison asked. a question i didn't really get.

"stop what?" i asked too.

"this," she pointed at my whole being. "when will you stop letting your whole world rotate around rosè?"

my shoulders deflated some more. i locked eyes with allison and was shocked to see the sadness in her eyes.

"ally-"

"when? i need to know your answer," my best friend stated. the seriousness in her voice was almost scary.

i sighed and teared my gaze away from her. "when she's no longer my world," i answered lowly.