philosophical Thoughts, Life Advice, and Unpopular Opinions

I Can't Believe it!

Okay so I discovered something shocking about myself: I'm actually an INTROVERT! My entire life, I've mistaken my restless angst around people as being bubbly and extroverted. I'm serious! My entire life I've always been "the outgoing one" or "the hyper one" "bubbly" the "social butterfly". I actually believed these things myself. But what was really going on my whole life is I sometimes get overwhelmed by too many people around I get so restless and giddy then I start rambling on and on and on out of nervousness. I also tried my best to put on the kind of show I thought people wanted. A lot of people would look to be a sort of jester because of this, or little personal clown, so I took on that role to be liked and to make people happy (of course I completely ignored the fact at the end of the day I'd be like suffocating from too much people and needed a breath of fresh alone time). Well, I ended up annoying half of the people I would put on a show for. So I ended up loathing myself and my social anxiety grew. I played the role of "extraverted entertainer" oh so well, I had MYSELF completely fooled too! It wasn't until recently that my husband forced me to face the truth about myself and made me look at how I gravitate toward being alone to recharge and refresh, not to mention my stubbornness when it comes to going out or socializing. My social anxiety and introvertedness are something I'd been vehemently denying all my life! SO there's the cold, hard truth about myself; I'm actually introverted, very shy, and socially awkward. My so-called outgoingness or talkativeness around strangers is usually actually just misplaced angst and nervousness.  So now comes the process of dealing with this problem I am still shocked to learn I have (not the fact I'm an introvert, but the fact I'm shy) :-/