philosophical Thoughts, Life Advice, and Unpopular Opinions

My Testimony

Hello, my name is Melanie, and I love telling stories. Everyone has a story to tell, and I want to share my story about what Christ has done for me because I feel like someone out there may need to hear what I have to say.

I was born and raised in a Christian family. I grew up singing "Jesus loves me" and memorizing John 3:16, but I was too young to fully appreciate all that really meant. When I was young, I was a very restless and clumsy child, and I'm not sure if that repeled people. I wasn't very popular, and didn't have many friends. I was pretty lonely a lot. I mean, I can't count how many times I've heard-

"Go away!"

"No one wants you!"

"Would you shut up!?"

It did hurt a lot, but the funny thing is despite all of that, I had only one thing going for me. I was always petite and "cute" so if people weren't ignoring me, they were treating me like a baby doll. This continued on to teenage hood.

I had always been addicted to people-pleasing, but when I became a teenager, it only got worse. I suppose I subconsciously didn't see myself as a person but as a doll or an object for entertainment, after being treated as such for so long. So I would basically 'put on shows' for people in exchange for approval and laughter. Even worse, I basically became a prostitute to a few guys, and the price for my 'services' (such as 'sexting' as we called it back then and sending nudes) was their happiness and approval. Gosh, I'm so ashamed of my stupidity. But at the time, business was good. I was making bank with my drug of choice, and things were great. Then all of a sudden, business tanked. The antics that everyone once loved were now annoying, and now all of a sudden I was a slut to the SAME guys that were asking me for these favors to begin with. I was left in the dust, and I had the worst "people-pleasing" withdrawals ever. That was in high school.

In college, I was still addicted to people pleasing. I was still making myself a slave to people, still chasing that high. I've put myself in so many awkward, insane, and even downright dangerous situations for the sake of winning people's approval and keeping them from getting angry at me. This life of addiction and chasing a high has worn me down so much. A little bit of me died everyday I allowed myself to be treated like a slave. Even still, I wanted nothing more than to be perfect for everyone, wanting to meet everyone's unrealistic expectations of me because my biggest fear of all is making people angry. And yes, I absolutely loathed myself for so, so long. Multiple times, I considered ending it all because I just couldn't take it anymore. And if I'm to be completely honest, I'm still struggling with perfectionism and people-pleasing.

However, at my lowest points, the best choice I ever made was running to God, straight into his arms. I was that lost sheep that Jesus found. 'Jesus loves you' is such a simple, generic three word phrase, but it's the most profound truth ever. The fact that the God that created all things loves me literally to no end even after all the stupid things I've said and done is amazing to me. His love is unfailing and his mercy is new everyday. That gives me hope. It doesn't matter how broken I am, because I know my God is an expert at taking broken things and making them beautiful. He has amazing things planned for me, and no matter where I go, he's there with me. In him I find true freedom. He has set the captives free, and I definitely was a captive. My name is Melanie, and I'm here to tell you that No matter what you've done or what you've been through, God is greater. He's waiting for you to run to him and he will turn you into a new creation and set you free. God loves you so much, and so do I! God bless you!

The video is called "Lost get Found" by Britt Nicole. Enjoy!