*Drug Use*
/Rumours era/
Stevie held back more tears, her eye-makeup was already gone, stained all down her face, her eyes hurt and the light annoyed them, her nose was stuffy and hard to breath through, she didn't know if this was from the river of tears or the drugs. She inhaled the smoke of the joint that was burning in the crystal ashtray on the nightstand. She sat hunched over on the corner of the hotel bed, her songbook in her hands. Her only release, the only thing that eased the pain. She placed it on the bed, she had just scrawled down some lyrics for a song, one she was keeping private, she had named it 'Juliet' after reading Romeo and Juliet, she thought about how tragic it was and how strong two peoples love was, she felt like Juliet, she had loved so much and it had been thrown back in her face. She had loved like Juliet!
She replayed her newly written lyrics in her head,
It was way too hard
It was way too tough
On this she had not bargained
But she was like some missionary
Dancing to the beat of some man's ancient drum
That's how she felt, everything was too hard, too tough and she was just doing as told, dancing to Mick's drums, twirling with her scarf, feeling the music and dancing to Lindsey's abuse.
And she tries hard to tell this story
But it's a hard one to tell
She consults her book of miracles
She did find it hard tonight to write, and her book of miracles was her songbook.
Cry and the wind says fly on
Well, now you're on your own
You're back out on the road again for a million reasons
Well, you're back out on the road again
She felt a few tears slip down her cheek from her golden brown eyes. How did she end up like this, she felt so used, Lindsey had mistreated her and she had wanted a break but, he used that as an excuse to screw as many groupies as possible and now was flaunting his current hook-up, Carol-Ann and treating Stevie so cruelly. He had just been so cruel to her at the party they were at, the words still stabbed her like a knife. She had only been with Don Henley and had got he wanted and left her pregnant and distraught, she still regretted her abortion, her little Sara. She remembered the words of the doctor "You will miscarry this child, large amounts of cocaine have been found in your blood test and the baby's heartbeat sounds irregular. That heartbeat still haunted her, she could hear it now. She had wanted a baby, it may have changed her and she wouldn't be crying and aching alone tonight with nothing but her music, was Lindsey right, was she pathetic is that why she had no one?
She couldn't hold back the tears anymore, she threw herself onto the bed releasing the river once again, she was sick of hurting, how could she be happy anymore? She heard the songbook slide of the bed onto the cold hotel carpet. She only stopped crying after the quilt beneath her felt like an ocean. She sat up, she needed a sweet release, she uneasily walked over to the small table that held a bottle of Merlot, she grabbed it, unscrewed the lid and gulped some of it down, feeling the warm, bittersweet taste of the deep red wine running down her throat. It wasn't enough, she walked back to the bed and grabbed her handbag, rummaging through until she found her other friend, her shining silver spoon. She undid her necklace pendant and tipped some cocaine out into it, smiling as she did so, she watched the white powder flow into the spoon and once it was full, she stopped and placed the full spoon onto the maroon quilt, gently, not spilling any of her precious substance. She did up her necklace and pulled out a twenty dollar bill from within her handbag, rolling it and picking up the spoon.
She quickly inhaled some of the cocaine, feeling the familiar burn, followed by the numbness, she repeated these actions until the spoon was empty. She threw off her shawl and laid back on the bed, waiting to feel that kick she longed for. A smile crept across her face as she felt it, forgetting mostly about her haunting past. She just stared at the white celling and began laughing to herself, the celling looked like cocaine, she laughed so hard her sides hurt. Then there was a knock at the door.
