The Sacrifice: Forgotten | Loki | Book 1

Chapter 3: I am I

(Caroline's P.O.V.)

I entered Xenia's room with caution. No one knew what she was capable of once she got angry. I didn't feel like I could face her yet. I sighed and approached her. She was lying in her double bed (her boy-toy was audaciously rich) and stared at something I couldn't make out in the darkness. 

"Hey.... Um, can I sleep in your room tonight?"  I asked her sitting down on her bed.

"Why don't you ask Mr. Psycho if you could sleep in his room?"  She responded bitterly. I sighed again and got angry at her tone.

"This is the first time I  beg you to listen to me, and what do you do? You permit a man you have never seen before to stay in our apartment. I thought you were mature, Caroline, but obviously I was wrong."  She added disappointedly.

Whatever had enchanted me hadn't worn off yet. Xenia, although angry and way more ration than I was, behaved suspiciously calm. But nothing compared to me. I would've done anything he'd told me in that moment. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to have a Rock of Ages fall through my roof and sleep in my bed afterwards.  

"I'm rather immature than heartless!" I shouted angrily. Chill out, Caroline.... Remember your anger management methods. You didn't go there for six months to kill Xenia now. There was much worse out there in the world than a nerving lawyer. Like the man sleeping in your room, which you just revived minutes ago.

"He won't harm us, I know that because - "  I added to defuse the situation, but she interrupted me.

"Are you nuts?!  Do you really want get yourself murdered that bad? You have no idea about where he comes from, yet did you let him sleep in your bed, in our apartment!  What if he's a murderer, a rapist, or worse?"

Xenia couldn't  keep her mouth shut that night. Usually I was the responsible and cautious one, and  I was experiencing a totally new side of Xenia. Of course everything she said was right. We should've called the police. But I was just not cognitively able to do that. It had to be something about those glowing eyes. I was hypnotized, and Xenia, too. 

 After some minutes, I asked her:

"Would you send a bleeding man out into pouring rain, someone who was at the edge of dying and has just been brought back to life? He needs help. Besides, if he really wanted to kill you, he would have done that just ten minutes ago after you kicked him. Not one your best ideas, to be honest. You might have worsened his injury!" I reproached her.  

And he looked like he wanted to split your skull right on the spot by the way, I added sadistically in my head.

"What? He was freaking me out! But if you say so, I will accept. But don't claim I hadn't warned you." 

With that, she closed her eyes and turned away. I couldn't stop myself from re-playing the scene in my head again and again. And everytime, I would focus on the moment when our eyes met. I know this sounds cheesy, but it was a magical moment. In my twenty-five years of living I had never felt like this before. Never seen eyes like those. Never been so... submissive. 

Also, before you ask, no. Not a single male had ever attracted my attention, and I know you'll say I demand high standards of them now. But that's not true, it's just that I never found the right one, the other side of me. The missing part hadn't crossed my path yet, so I waited patiently for him to appear instead of being in a relationship with someone just for the sake of being taken.

You could also call me 'forever alone', but with dignity.

I knew I wouldn't manage to sleep, trying was futile. I bet my Phantom of the Opera-DVD that Xenia wasn't sleeping either.

"Xenia?"  I whispered.

"What?"  She moaned, pissed because I was disturbing her beauty-sleep.

"I won't go to uni for the next few days."  This had never happened before. I never missed uni. "Can you get me the scripts?" 

"Of course you won't go. After all, you will be his babysitter. I won't lift a finger for him, but yes, I will get 'em. Now, good night."  She replied and ended our conversation.

Tomorrow I would have to clean up the whole living room and somehow close the huge hole in the ceiling. What am I going to tell the workers? 'Hey, yesterday morning a man fell through the ceiling and he's lying half dead in my bed. Would you please fix the hole?'

The truth was out of question.

(Loki's P.O.V)

The void. It was endless. It was the universe, without the stars. Something so big and empty, so senseless, so dark. I reached out to touch the stars. I was tall enough. But there weren't any. Nothing I could grasp. It has been sucked into a black hole. A super massive black hole. 

What did just happen? The only thing I remember is waking up in the arms of that woman... Caroline? I recognized her as a female human, even the other one. I identified her even after she was not in sight anymore. She was my first star. The first I saw. And it shone brightly, for the was only everlasting darkness around.

I do not know my name. I do not know who I am. All I know is I am I, and I was here. It hurts, much so. My body feels battered. I do not know why. I could stare into the moonless, starless sky as long as I wanted. I would go blind before seeing anything. My head hurt at the efforts of remembering. It proved to be futile. All I know is, I am I, and I was here.

I figured out quickly for myself that something horrendous had occurred. This was no my natural state. A very significant part of me was missing, and it dawned on me likewise quickly that my memories were irrevocably erased, or at least made unreachable for me.

'Confused' she had said... I was positive that it was far worse than that.

How kind of that lady to let a mentally and physically damaged stranger stay at her house and sleep in her chamber. I had been disrespectful, ungrateful. I did not even thank her for bringing me back to life. My mind signified me that this was not my usual behaviour towards a woman. I felt like I had always been a gentleman when talking to a dame. My internal debate ended with the conclusion to apologize to Lady Caroline, and even to the other one, although she seemed like the most abhorrent and unfeminine witch all over the Nine Realms.

Something rang. Something beat against the inside of my skull. What were the Nine Realms? Where were the Nine Realms? I had thought it so innocently, so naturally. I had not even attempted to remember the Nine Realms. They just appeared. Perhaps more answers were to come to me if I remained patient...

There was no other choice left to me but to wait. 

My chest hurt incredibly, breathing was almost impossible. She had promised to help me, take me to a so-called 'hospital'.  I could not quite put my finger on it, but I had a feeling that is would be a truly unfavourable choice. Since I had no other evidence, I trusted that feeling. 

Groaning in pain, I left the bed and went to a mirror attached to the wall. I had no impression whatsoever of what I looked like, so I faced my reflection in an attempt to find out more about the stranger I was to myself. 

I was tall obviously, and had shoulder-length black hair. My skin was sweaty, but glowing. My eyes were a deep green, like emeralds, but glowing coldly without any sign of life. For some reason, I felt perfectly normal in my clothing, although the two women stared at me as if I was completely unclothed. Apparently, I was not from here and the way I attired was considered to be unusual. 

I am I, I am here.