The Sacrifice: Forgotten | Loki | Book 1

Chapter 28: Redemption

(Caroline's P.O.V.)

Remember the first time you ate Nutella in your life? This here had been at least a thousand times better. The gashing hole in my chest was now filling, and I threatened to overflow with joy. He was here. Tom was alive. Right here. Whatever had been missing from my heart, it was back now.  

"Oh my God! Tom!"  I called out and threw myself at Loki. Arms around his neck, I snuggled my face to his cheek and cried tears of joy. Falling in love like that had made me so vulnerable. It wasn't the normal kind of love between two humans. This here had something extraterrestrial about it, and I didn't know how long I could take it. I was enchanted. I spoke right into his ear.

"You're alive, you - you're here..."  It sounded stupid and hysteric for sure, but I couldn't control myself. Then I began to plant small  kisses all over his face. I looked deeply into his eyes and noticed who they weren't even that puke-green anymore. It was an emerald-ish shade. The flickering had become much less frequent.

"W-What does he say?" I whispered. Loki held me tighter.

"He says he loves you, my dear. That you should know nothing can keep you out of his heart. Well, make that our heart."  Loki added and I laughed at this.

But then I realized what I was doing. I was tormenting him with longing for him, but at the same time - not him. And he would never dare touch me again knowing I would feel and return only Tom's love. Did he really just become so polite and thoughtful? It didn't matter, I had no strength to doubt. I gladly believed what was happening in front of my eyes.

It was selfish of course, to hold him and look at him like that, and then telling him he was never meant. I saw in his eyes, it was pure torture which he felt and I could do nothing to stop it. I could simply never love him the way he loved me.

A hopeless love triangle with two bodies.

"I don't know what to say, Loki. Thank you so much for telling me this. Is there anything I can do to show you how grateful I am?"  I said and tried to hold him closer. My present self is disgusted with what my past self did. He had killed my parents. And here I was, holding so dearly to this murderer.

"Forgive me, just - forgive me." 

I looked into his eyes. There was so much anger and pain bottled up inside me. For so long, there was nothing more desirable to me than seeing him suffer. Dead. I had always felt so weak and helpless. I had wanted revenge, knowing I'd never get it. I had cried so often. My parents had been such good people. 

Somehow, I felt they would want me to forgive. And hadn't I done so much to him with all my rejections? Not that it was in any way comparable to what Loki had done to me, but still. I remained silent, and he noticed.

"I understand."   His expression was sad. I just couldn't say it. Couldn't say I forgave, even though I perhaps did already. I couldn't. There was no forgiving, and certainly no forgetting.

"Think nothing of it, my love. I did what I had to do."  He replied and stroke my hair back. I knew it, there were two things he wanted and I could never give them to him. My forgiveness, and my heart. His redemption had to wait. I did not feel ready to give it to him. 

But then an idea crossed my mind...

"Fancy to dance?"  

"D-Dance? With you?"  He was flabbergasted. 

"Uh, yes, that's what I just said." 

"But - why?" 

"It's a way for me to express my gratefulness at this moment. Come."  I replied and took his hand into mine, for the first time ever. I pulled us off the couch.